ETHICAL

THE ETHICAL SLUT
hand strays in vaguely the right direction ... while hoping desperately
that the bewildered partner will figure out what they're trying to ask for.
Wouldn't it be easier if we could just say, "I would really love it if you
ran your finger around my clit in a circle instead of up and down" or
"I need you to grab my dick much harder"?
GOAL ORIENTATION
The tyranny of hydraulics is a tremendous obstacle to terrific sex, and
not in the way that the manufacturers of Viagra would have you believe.
Many people believe that if there is no penis with an erection, nothing
sexy is happening. (Lesbians, of course, disagree most vehemently.)
Many men feel they can't even engage in foreplay while they are soft,
and many women are insulted if they discover a soft penis while they
are getting aroused. And still more people are completely nonplussed
if the penis in question decides to release at a time that is inconvenient
for the rest of the activity, as if there were no sex after ejaculation. We
want to encourage you to think beyond the hydraulics of erection and
allow your playful explorations to go wherever they want to go, no
matter where the participants may be in the sexual response cycle.
When sex becomes goal oriented, we may race to orgasm with such
single-minded focus that we never even notice all the lovely sensations
that come before (and, for that matter, after). When we concentrate our
attention on genital sex to the exclusion of the rest of our bodies, we
are excluding most of ourselves from the transaction. When we ignore
most of the good parts, we increase our chance of developing sexual
dysfunction, and we miss out on all the good feelings.
GENDER RO LES
. To be truly free to explore our sexual potential to the fullest, most of
us need to examine how we have been taught that a man or a woman is
supposed to enjoy sex. Many of us were taught that it is natural for men
to be sexually aggressive and for women to be passive responders. Your
authors like both of these roles and many others too. When it comes
to what feels good, we are all highly individual human beings-and,
despite what you may have heard, we all come from the same planet.
When men are forbidden to be receptive, then a man is not allowed
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