ETHICAL

THE ETHICAL SLUT
found a safe place to play that role, and we both felt I'd made a good
choice in selecting someone to whom I could entrust such vulnerable
parts of me. "Daddy" and I got together once or twice a month for
finger-painting, watching Disney movies, eating peanut butter sandwiches,
and other slightly more adult pleasures.
At one point I attended a party where both my life partner and my
"daddy" were in attendance. From across the room, I saw the two of
them chatting, and I headed over to say hi. As I drew closer, my partner
held his arm out invitingly and called, "Hey, hon, come over here and
hang out with your dad and your boyfriend for a while." The feeling
of acceptance, and the warmth of knowing the two men accepted and
honored each other's role in my life, was amazing.
One of the things people get out of multiple relationships is the
chance to be all of their various selves. When two people meet, they
relate where they intersect, where they have complementary roles in
similar scripts. So, being different things to different lovers, we might
find ourselves having different boundaries, limits, and relationship
styles in different circumstances.
Your own internal variety might manifest in many ways. For
instance, you might be calm and centered when Lover A is angry, but
Lover B's irritability is distressing to you-it "pushes your buttons,"
perhaps reminding you of a past lover or a punitive parent. Here is an
opportunity to take charge of your buttons. When your buttons are
your own, it becomes much easier to figure out what your limits need
to be with Lover B, and to understand that they may be altogether
different from your limits with Lover A.
Forget about fairness. Ethical sluttery does not mean that all things
come out equal. Different relationships have different boundaries,
different limits, and different potentials. So if your lover has found
someone that she can share a certain activity with, and you would
like to share that with her too, the question is not "Why don't you do
that with me?" but "That sounds interesting, how do you suppose we
could make that work for us?"
This is how one woman we interviewed put it:
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