ETHICAL

Slut Skills
Earning Your Slut Merit Badge
The people we know who succeed at ethical sluthood usually have a
set of skills that helps them forge their pathway cleanly, honestly, and
with a minimum of unnecessary pain. Here are some of the skills we
think are important.
COMMUNICATION
Learning to talk clearly, and listen effectively, is critical. A technique
for good listening is to listen to what your partner has to say without
interrupting, and let him know you heard by telling him what you think
he just said. Use this clarification technique before you respond with
your own thoughts and feelings. In this way, you make sure you have
clear understanding before you go on with your discussion. Similarly,
if you're the one talking, it's not fair to expect your partner to read
your mind-take the time and effort to be as clear and thorough in
your explanation as you can, and be sure to include information about
the emotions you're feeling as well as the facts involved.
If your communications often seem to go awry, it might be a good
idea to spend some time and effort learning better communication
skills: many adult education facilities offer excellent communication
classes for couples, and you can check our Resource Guide for further
reading.
EMOTIONAL HONESTY
Being able to ask for and receive reassurance and support is crucial.
One of Janet's partners used to request, when Janet was off to a joyously
anticipated date with one of her other lovers, "Just tell me I don't
have anything to worry about." Janet reports that it felt very good to
know that he was willing to ask for reassurance when he needed it and
that he trusted her to tell the truth about her feelings. If you imagine
his feelings if he were insecure and didn't ask for reassurance, you can
see why it's so important to get your needs met up front.
We have all been afraid to ask, we have all failed to ask, we have all
been irked with our lovers when they didn't read our minds and offer
us the reassurance we crave, we have all thought, "I shouldn't have to
65