ETHICAL

Opening an Existing Relationship
Too many of us believe that turn-on is something that happens to
us like the weather. Here's an affirmation for you: "I know my turn-on
is in here somewhere, and 1 can figure out how to find it."
Turn-ons may be visual, verbal, or sensual; they may rely on touch,
sound, smell, or the sensations of muscles stretching and flexing. There
are a thousand and more ways to get turned on. Make a list of your
favorite turn-ons-not how you like to get off, but how you like to get
started. Getting turned on is sort of like getting high, or waking up,
or warming up-you are transitioning from one state of consciousness
to another. This takes time, and it feels good.
Sexologists who study arousal tell us that turn-on depends on two
things: safety and risk. You need to feel safe from harm, and secure
that your conditions will be met and your wants and needs honored.
You also need to feel a little like being at the top of a ski jump, on the
threshold of something miraculous and powerful. New relationships
can be very hot because there is still a lot of riskiness, but mature
relationships need to seek out ways to take a little risk, to step beyond
the comfortable and the familiar into something new and a little
challenging.
Infin ite possibilities
Looking for your turn-on on can be a lot like looking for ways you
can nourish your relationship. Here's a list of some possibilities that
you might find useful.
• Dress up, clean up, wake up.
• Prepare your environment-fancy sheets, candles, music.
• Allow plenty of time-start your date three hours early, out
somewhere.
• Go to the sex store.
• Talk about your fantasies (go ahead, blush).
• Play an erotic board game.
• Massage gently with favorite oils, nice and slow ... maybe
with a blindfold on one of you ... or both of you.
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