No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

101
He asked, "What do you plan to do, in the future
I mean?"
I did not answer, but picked up some dried
sardines with my chopsticks from a plate on the
table and, while I examined the silvery eyes of the
little fish, I felt the faint flush of intoxication rise
in me. I suddenly became nostalgic for the days when
I used to go from bar to bar drinking, and even for
Horiki. I yearned with such desperation for "freedom"
that I became weak and tearful.
Ever since coming to this house I had lacked all
incentive even to play the clown; I had merely lain
prostrate under the contemptuous glances of Flatfish
and the boy. Flatfish himself seemed disinclined
to indulge in long, heart-to-heart talks, and for my
part no desire stirred within me to run after him with
complaints.
Flatfish pursued his discourse. "As things stand
it appears that the suspended sentence passed against
you will not count as a criminal record or anything
of that sort. So, you see, your rehabilitation depends
entirely on yourself. If you mend your ways and bring
me your problems—seriously, I mean—I will certainly
see what I can do to help you."
Flatfish's manner of speech—no, not only his,
but the manner of speech of everybody in the world
—held strange, elusive complexities, intricately pre-