No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

153
defences should have yielded only that once with the
shopkeeper. Had she been also with Horiki? Or with
somebody I didn't even know? I hadn't the courage
to question her; writhing in my usual doubts and
fears, I drank gin. Sometimes when drunk I timidly
attempted a few sneaking ventures at indirect questioning.
In my heart I bounded foolishly from joy to
sorrow at her responses, but on the surface I never
ceased my immoderate clowning. Afterwards I would
inflict on Yoshiko an abominable, hellish caressing
before I dropped into a dead sleep.
Towards the end of that year I came home late
one night blind drunk. I felt like having a glass of
sugar-water. Yoshiko seemed to be asleep, so I went
myself to the kitchen to look for the sugar bowl. I
took off the lid and peered inside. There was no sugar,
only a thin black cardboard box. I took it absentmindedly
in my hand and read the label. I was
startled: somebody had scratched off most of the
writing, but the part in Western letters remained intact.
The word DIAL was legible.
DIAL. At the time I relied entirely on gin and
never took sleeping pills. Insomnia, however, was a
chronic complaint with me, and I was familiar with
most sleeping pills. The contents of this one box of
Dial was unquestionably more than sufficient to cause
death. The seal of the box was unbroken. I must