No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

113
I led for the first time the life of a kept man.
After Shizuko (that was the name of the lady
journalist) went out to work in the morning at the
magazine publisher's, her daughter Shigeko and I
obediently looked after the apartment. Shigeko had
always been left to play in the superintendent's room
while her mother was away, and now she seemed delighted
that an interesting "uncle" had turned up
as a new playmate.
For about a week I remained in a state of daze.
Just outside the apartment window was a kite caught
in the telegraph wires; blown about and ripped by
the dusty spring wind, it nevertheless clung tenaciously
to the wires, as if in affirmation of something. Every
time I looked at the kite I had to smile with embarrassment
and blush. It haunted me even in dreams.
"I want some money."
"How much?" she asked.
"A lot... Love flies out the window when poverty
comes in the door, they say, and it's true."
"Don't be silly. Such a trite expression."
"Is it? But you don't understand. I may run away
if things go on at this rate."
"Which of us is the poor one? And which will run
away? What a silly thing to say!"
"I want to buy my drinks and cigarettes with my
own money. I'm a lot better artist than Horiki."
At such times the self-portraits I painted in high