No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

63
by a desperate recourse to clowning. Now, however,
that stupid Horiki (quite without realizing it) was
playing the part of the clown, and I was under no
obligation to make appropriate answers. It sufficed if
I merely let the stream of his words flow through my
ears and, once in a while, commented with a smile,
"Not really!"
I soon came to understand that drink, tobacco
and prostitutes were all excellent means of dissipating
(even for a few moments) my dread of human beings.
I came even to feel that if I had to sell every last
possession to obtain these means of escape, it would
be well worth it.
^ S fl& Vui ' UXJ '
I never could think of prostitutes as human beings
or even as women. They seemed more like imbeciles
or lunatics. But in their arms I felt absolute
security. I could sleep soundly. It was pathetic how
utterly devoid of greed they really were. And perhaps
because they felt for me something like an affinity
for their kind, these prostitutes always showed me a
natural friendliness which never became oppressive.
Friendliness with no ulterior motive, friendliness
stripped of high-pressure salesmanship, for someone
who might never come again. Some nights I saw
these imbecile, lunatic prostitutes with the halo of
Mary.
I went to them to escape from my dread of human
: '