No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

158
from my own vices, and I had no way of fighting
anybody. If I had ever attempted to voice anything
in the nature of a protest, even a single mumbled
word, the whole of society—and not only Flatfish—
would undoubtedly have cried out flabbergasted,
"Imagine the audacity of him talking like that!" Am
I what they call an egni.^t? Or am I the opposite, a
man of excessively weak spirit? I re>Uydon't know
myself, but since I seem in either case to be a mass of
vices, I drop steadily, inevitably, into unhappiness,
and I have no specific plan to stave off my descent.
I got up from the snowbank with the thought: I
ought to get the proper kind of medicine without
delay. I went into a pharmacy nearby. The proprietress
and I exchanged looks as I entered; for that instant
her eyes popped and she held her head lifted,
as if caught in the light of a flash bulb. She stood
ramrod stiff. But in her wide-open eyes there was
no trace of alarm or dislike; her look spoke of longing,
almost of the seeking for salvation. I thought,
"She must be unhappy too. Unhappy people are sensitive
to the unhappiness of others." Not until then did
I happen to notice that she stood with difficulty, supporting
herself on crutches. I suppressed a desire to
run up beside her, but I could not take my eyes from
her face. I felt tears starting, and saw then the tears
brimming from her big eyes.