No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

87
Three copper coins. It was less shame than horror
that assaulted me at that moment. I suddenly saw
before my eyes my room in the lodging house, absolutely
empty save for my school uniform and the
bedding—a bleak cell devoid of any object which
might be pawned. My only other possessions were
the kimono and coat I was wearing. These were the
hard facts. I perceived with clarity that I could not go
on living.
As I stood there hesitating, she got up and looked
inside my wallet. "Is that all you have?"
Her voice was innocent, but it cut me to the quick.
It was painful as only the voice of the first woman I
had ever loved could be painful. "Is that all?" No,
even that suggested more money than I had—three
copper coins don't count as money at all. This was
a humiliation more strange than any I had tasted
before, a humiliation I could not live with. I suppose
I had still not managed to extricate myself from the
part of the rich man's son. It was then I myself determined,
this time as a reality, to kill myself.
We threw ourselves into the sea at Kamakura that
night. She untied her sash, saying she had borrowed it
from a friend at the cafe, and left it folded neatly on a
rock. I removed my coat and put it in the same spot.
We entered the water together.
She died. I was saved.