No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

156
uncertain before me. She never smiled, and she looked
as if she could hardly be persuaded to open her
mouth. I found the apartment so oppressive that I
would end by going out as usual to swill cheap
liquor. After the Dial incident, however, I lost weight
noticeably. My arms and legs felt heavy, and I often
was too lazy to draw cartoons. Flatfish had left some
money when he came to visit me. (He said, "It's a
little gift from me," and offered it exactly as if it were
his own money, though I gathered that it actually
came from my brothers as usual. This time, unlike
when I ran away from Flatfish's house, I was able to
get a vague glimpse through his theatrical airs of
importance; I too was clever and, pretending to be
completely unaware of what was going on, humbly
offered Flatfish my thanks for the money. It nevertheless
gave me a strange feeling, as if at the same
time I could and could not understand why people
like Flatfish resorted to such complicated tricks.) I
did not hesitate to use the money to go by myself to
the hot springs of southern Izu. However, I am not
the kind to make a leisurely tour of hot springs, and
at the thought of Yoshiko I became so infinitely forlorn
as to destroy completely the peaceful frame of
mind which would have permitted me to gaze from
my hotel window at the mountains. I did not change
into sports clothes. I didn't even take the waters. In-