No Longer Human ( PDFDrive )

70
ality, but the comrades kept themselves worked up
into a state of frantic excitement by incessantly reminding
themselves how dangerous these errands
were.) I felt at the time that if I should become a
party member and got caught, not even the prospect
of spending the rest of my life in prison would bother
me: it occurred to me that prison life might actually
be pleasanter than groaning away my sleepless nights
in a hellish dread of the "realities of life" as led by
human beings.
Even when my father and I were living in the
same house, he was kept so busy receiving guests
or going out that sometimes three or four days elapsed
without our seeing each other. This, however, did
not make his presence any the less oppressive and
intimidating. I was just thinking (without as yet
daring to propose it) how I would like to leave the
house and find lodgings elsewhere, when I learned
from our old caretaker that my father apparently
intended to sell the house.
Father's term of office as a member of the Diet
would soon expire and—doubtless for many reasons—
he seemed to have no intention of standing for election
again. Perhaps (I do not pretend to understand my
father's thoughts any better than those of a stranger)
he had decided to build a retreat somewhere at home.