THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Ambrose Bierce - Sunny Hills High School

Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary
MAGNIFICENT, adj. Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to
which the spectator is accustomed, as the ears of an ass, to a rabbit,
or the glory of a glowworm, to a maggot.
MAGNITUDE, n. Size. Magnitude being purely relative, nothing is
large and nothing small. If everything in the universe were increased
in bulk one thousand diameters nothing would be any larger than it was
before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be
larger than they had been. To an understanding familiar with the
relativity of magnitude and distance the spaces and masses of the
astronomer would be no more impressive than those of the microscopist.
For anything we know to the contrary, the visible universe may be a
small part of an atom, with its component ions, floating in the
life‐fluid (luminiferous ether) of some animal. Possibly the wee
creatures peopling the corpuscles of our own blood are overcome with the
proper emotion when contemplating the unthinkable distance from one of
these to another.
MAGPIE, n. A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone
that it might be taught to talk.
MAIDEN, n. A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless
conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide
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