THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Ambrose Bierce - Sunny Hills High School

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others. Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend." CALUMNUS, n. A graduate of the School for Scandal. CAMEL, n. A quadruped (the _Splaypes humpidorsus_) of great value to the show business. There are two kinds of camels‐‐the camel proper and the camel improper. It is the latter that is always exhibited. CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre‐pork period. CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. CANONICALS, n. The motley worm by Jesters of the Court of Heaven. Page | 40
Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dictionary CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat. _Capital Punishment_, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons‐‐including all the assassins‐‐entertain grave misgivings. CARMELITE, n. A mendicant friar of the order of Mount Carmel. As Death was a‐rising out one day, Across Mount Camel he took his way, Where he met a mendicant monk, Some three or four quarters drunk, With a holy leer and a pious grin, Ragged and fat and as saucy as sin, Who held out his hands and cried: "Give, give in Charity's name, I pray. Give in the name of the Church. O give, Give that her holy sons may live!" And Death replied, Smiling long and wide: "I'll give, holy father, I'll give thee‐‐a ride." With a rattle and bang Page | 41
Page 1 and 2: THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Ambrose Bier
Page 3 and 4: A Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dict
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Page 7 and 8: As I said, And the books of the sag
Page 11 and 12: ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of ca
Page 21 and 22: accounts. Ambrose Bierce The Devil
Page 25 and 26: Jehal Dai Lupe B Ambrose Bierce The
Page 27 and 28: Jorace And resolutely thump and wha
Page 29 and 30: The man who taketh a steam bath He
Page 31 and 32: Why didn't he work? He would even h
Page 33 and 34: She thought it a crow, but it turn
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Page 43 and 44: To further proceedings in its behal
Page 47 and 48: "God keep you, strange," I exclaime
Page 49 and 50: To thrifty J. Macpherson; "See me
Page 51 and 52: May fleas by the bushel inhabit the
Page 55 and 56: ladder. Fiercely the battle raged a
Page 57 and 58: The missiles that he threw. Orrin G
Page 63 and 64: And finds at last he might as well
Page 65 and 66: The west wind, rising, made him vee
Page 69 and 70: That brings the noisiest to book An
Page 71 and 72: For big ideas Heaven has little roo
Page 73 and 74: Israfel Brown Ambrose Bierce The De
Page 75 and 76: Dissenters. Ambrose Bierce The Devi
Page 77 and 78: along the line of desire. Sir Laven
Page 79 and 80: the price of the cow that you canno
Page 83 and 84: The loafing herd winds slowly o'er
Page 85 and 86: "This is the end," the sick man sai
Page 87 and 88: activity. There are three sexes; ma
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A rite permitting Satan to enslave
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A leech consoled the weepers: He sp
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Confirming the decree of Fate. From
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To bind the chains about her feet A
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To bear to happy hunting‐grounds
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GENTEEL, adj. Refined, after the fa
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He wildly brushed away, and then He
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GORGON, n. The Gorgon was a maiden
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The 'Possum said: "I'm great‐‐b
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A tithe of all that we collect Will
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And the truth of it I aver: Who dif
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anthropoid poets. Ambrose Bierce Th
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new sins and promotes the growth of
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So modest a man in all Ispahan, Ove
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His tale he told with a solemn face
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With clamor from the trees o'erhead
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stately courtesy are altogether sup
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"I would be, dear, but it is not wo
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You slip on a peel of banana brown.
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the dust brushed off him Oct. 3, 18
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So close their intimacy grew One pa
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She made the fool a duke, in hope W
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Murmuring: "Well, at any rate, My n
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'tis spoken To the succeeding royal
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Brave Knights Kennelers then shall
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had influence at court. (_Vide supr
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Jack Satan smelts the dead to make
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As he drew the lace she made a grim
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And sacked himself strangely in che
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Here Huntington's ashes long have l
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It lasted one whole season! The spa
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thoughtless spectators. Ambrose Bie
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Post‐mortem inscription, But M is
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pursuit is one in which the thing p
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Into the aristocracy of crime. O, w
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J.G. Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s D
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to its ashes‐‐some of which hav
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have only to find it. Ambrose Bierc
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understanding. A tyranny tempered b
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Of a perfectly splendid story. 'Twa
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Thy great invention, the unfatal fe
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as "benefactions." Ambrose Bierce T
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intellectual debility. Ambrose Bier
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Rev. Dr. Mucker (in a funeral sermo
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Worgum Slupsky Ambrose Bierce The D
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sweetness of his personal character
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His learning and breeding; By what
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it. Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Di
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To Leonard's resignation‐‐ His
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While they were turning him on t'ot
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evicting them. Ambrose Bierce The D
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By guard unparried as by flight uns
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For it's been a fortnight broke." T
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Or at leastwise not as such. Moral
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A man is known by the company that
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All frosted there in the shine o' t
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That comic pencils trace‐‐ Your
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(With precious stones 'twas weighte
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Whom Dispossession, with alluring w
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"That Badman John must cease this t
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Good‐Lording and O‐mying, Her r
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And there deliriously fed As fast a
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All rascals may at will invade: Ben
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no cat. Ambrose Bierce The Devil’
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A President not strenuously bent On
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U Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dict
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UN‐AMERICAN, adj. Wicked, intoler
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"I beg your pardon, sir," he said;
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Hannibal Hunsiker VIRTUES, n.pl. Ce
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Anonymus Bink Ambrose Bierce The De
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To entoken and give warning That my
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Time to the dead so all unreckoned
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Y Ambrose Bierce The Devil’s Dict
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THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY Ambrose Bierce - Sunny Hills High School

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