The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius - College of Stoic Philosophers

MARCUS AURELIUS 249
should perhaps have been completely engrossed,
if I had
seen that I was making great progress in them ; . . .
that I knew Apollonius, Rusticus, Maximus ;
. . . that
I received clear and frequent impressions about living
according to nature, and what kind of a life that is, so
that, so far as depended on Heaven, and its gifts, help,
and inspiration, nothing hindered me from forthwith
living according to nature, though I still fall short of it
through my own fault, and through not observing the
admonitions of Heaven, and, I may almost say, its direct
instructions ;
that my body has held out so long in such
a kind of life as mine ; that though it was my mother s
lot to die young, she spent the last years of her life with
me ;
that whenever I wished to help any man in his
need, I was never told that I had not the means of doing
it ; that, when I had an inclination to philosophy, I did
not fall
into the hands of a sophist.
And, as he dwelt with gratitude on these helps and
blessings vouchsafed to him, his mind (so, at least, it
seems to me) would sometimes revert with awe to the
perils and temptations of the lonely height where he
stood, to the lives of Tiberius, Caligula, Nero, Domitian,
in their hideous blackness and ruin ;
and then he wrote
down for himself such a warning entry as this, significant
and terrible in its abruptness :
A black character, a womanish character, a stubborn
character, bestial, childish, animal, stupid, counterfeit,
scurrilous, fraudulent, tyrannical I
Or this :
*
About what am I now employing my soul ? On
every occasion I must ask myself this question, and
inquire. What have I now in this part of me which
and whose soul have I now ?
they call the ruling principle,
that of a child, or of a young man, or of a weak woman,
or of a tyrant, or of one of the lower animals in the service
of man, or of a wild beast ?