The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius - College of Stoic Philosophers

AN ESSAY ON FRIENDSHIP 303
perhaps, or concealed ill-humour, unexpectedly discovers
itself in his behaviour either towards his friends them
selves, or towards others, which cannot be overlooked
without participating his disgrace. The most advisable
and prudent conduct in situations of this kind is to suffer
the intimacy to wear out by silent and insensible degrees ;
or, to use a strong expression, which I remember to have
fallen from Cato upon a similar occasion, the bands of
friendship should be gradually untied, rather than suddenly
cut asunder ; always supposing, however, that the
offence is not of so atrocious a nature as to render an
absolute and immediate alienation indispensably requisite
for one s own honour.
As it is not unusual (for I am still
speaking of common
friendships) that dissensions arise from some extraordinary
change of manners or sentiments, or from some contrariety
of opinions with respect to public affairs, the parties at
variance should be much upon their guard,
lest their
behaviour towards each other should give the world
occasion to remark that they have not only ceased to be
cordial friends, but are become inveterate enemies, for
nothing is more indecent than to appear in open war
with a man with whom one has formerly lived upon terms
of familiarity and good fellowship.
Scipio estranged himself from Quintus Pompeius, you
well know, solely upon my account ;
as the dissensions
which arose in the republic alienated him also from my
colleague Metellus. But in both instances he preserved
the dignity of his character, and never suffered himself
to be betrayed into the least improper warmth of resent
ment.
Upon the whole, then, the first great caution in this
commerce should be studiously to avoid all occasions of
discord ; but if
any should necessarily arise, the next is
to manage the quarrel with so much temper and modera
tion that the flame of friendship shall appear to have