The Ultimate Body Language Book

of the speech during conversation. Essentially, we use regulators to control turn-taking in conversation
and they can take the form of kinesic such as head nods or nonkinesic such as eye movements.
Regulators are different across cultures more so than any other element of body language discussed
thus far.
In a study by Marjorie Vargas in 1986, it was noted that black students in the United States felt insulted
by the white educators. The educators weren’t picking up on cues that the students understood what
was being instructed. For example, the white students would nod and murmur “uh-huh” but the black
students would nod much less and use “mhm” instead. The teachers took this to mean that the students
didn’t fully understand the material, but this wasn’t so, they just expressed their understanding
differently.
In Japan, the up and down nod of the head or “yes motion” is utilized not to show ‘agreement’ but to
show ‘understanding’. Therefore, while pitching a new idea or venture, it would be foolish to think that
the continuous head nodding by the Japanese was do to their willingness to invest. Creating a simple
dos and don’ts list is not feasible for these nonverbal kinesics in speech for the simple fact that there
are far too many to list and the variation of meaning across culture is so varied. With the simple
awareness of emblems, illustrators, affect displays, adaptors and regulators the incidence of
misinterpreting their meaning can be reduced.
Caution is therefore important when dealing with international business so as to avoid any harm in
interpretation. Some other examples of regulators include putting the hand up to signal that you are
ready to speak, putting the finger up to the mouth to bring silence, waiving the hand around in a circle
so as to speed things up, rolling of the eyes showing disapproval, a gasp to show shock, throwing the
hand to someone to include them in the conversation, or shaking the head disapprovingly. All these
gestures control the flow and pattern of speech by directing, disapproving, speeding things up or
slowing them down, and even cutting the speaker short.
Using regulators in speech is necessary to create seamless turn-taking and to avoid appearing rude,
dominating or frustrating the people you are talking with. It prevents having to interrupt, eases the flow
of speech and allows everyone to make the points they wish to make without having to cut each other
off mid-sentence. The net effect of a good conversation is connectivity through the creation of seamless
turn-taking.
Chapter 3 – Cultural Differences
How To Use Regulators
Regulators, regulate speech and control turn taking. Literally we can increase or decrease the amount of
talking that happens with simple body language. For example, to increase speaking add more nodding.
When people stop and you wish for them to continue simply nod your head, and, more often than not,
this will encourage them to begin speaking again. The use of “mhums” and “yeses” will have the same
effect. To speed speech up, or end a conversation altogether, send frequent looks away or down to your
watch.
Too much nodding, on the other hand, shows indifference which can be a useful tactic depending on the
speaker and your intent. Three nods in quick succession shows that you are ready to speak yourself and
has the net effect of increasing their rate of speech to avoid being cut off. Drawing in air and parting the
lips while tilting the head back slightly also gives the impression that someone is prepared to speak, as
does patting the mouth with two fingers. Looking at your watch or looking to the doorway will make