The Ultimate Body Language Book

people talk less or if done excessively stop altogether.
Try this experiment. As your conversation begins nod your head every few seconds or as you see
agreement. Next, increase the rate at which you nod your heard regardless of any agreement. What
happens when you increase your nod frequencies? Most likely, up to about two to three continuous
nods, they will become more excited believing they are building rapport. What if you nod
continuously? I suspect it will stop the conversation altogether. Recall that three quick nods means that
you wish to interject, while continuous nodding comes across as feigned agreement sending the
conversation into a standstill. What happens with appropriate nodding absent of proper eye contact?
This signals to others that their conversation is falling on deaf ears, and will be taken as an insult. The
same goes with random nodding that has lost synchrony with speech. Telephone conversations easily
fall off their rails if one party becomes preoccupied with another task. We immediately sense that their
regulators have become unlinked from the conversation and when it comes time for them to speak, we
hear nothing in return, or there is a delay. Not surprisingly, we find that the person on the other end is
watching television – an obvious insult.
When people near the end of their though, and wish for their partner to speak, they will often lower
their volume and slow their voice down slightly. Other times, the final syllable will be drawn out or
gesturing with the hands will become less frequent or stop altogether. The eyes too are often lowered
along with the head but at the very last moment eye contact will resume indicating that it’s time for the
other person to begin speaking.
Raising the index finger can also signal a desire to speak which we learn early on in grade school
which is normally accompanied by a sharp and deep intake of air. To stifle the “index finger
interjector”, extend your hand across and make light contact with their forearm. This is a polite
nonverbal way to show that you acknowledge their desire to speak, but that you haven’t quite
concluded your point. If you sincerely wish to communicate interest and increase speaking, add a slight
head tilt and a half frown or half-smile. This shows the speaker that what they have said is unclear but
that you otherwise find it fascinating and wish to learn more.
Good communicators will make great partners amongst all types of speakers, even those that seem to
carry on endlessly or those with little to say. They will have a strong arsenal of tools to cut one set of
speaker off nonverbally, or as the case may be, encourage them to speak further. While we may take
regulators for granted, conversations would be awkward and disjointed without them. Experiment a
little for yourself and see how you can modify behaviour with regulators to suite your needs.