The Ultimate Body Language Book

As mirroring requires an emotional connection in the form of empathy, estrogen rather than
testosterone, is a more facilitative hormone. This gives us vital clues to the role of mirroring, and brings
us back full circle to the core issue dealt with here, which is that mirroring is a form of rapport
building, of which men are less prone to take advantage of.
The fact, as we have covered extensively in this chapter, remains that mirroring can be a great skill in
most all facets of life. If you don’t already have it as a part of your repertoire, you should, and if you
are a man, should consider it strongly because chances are you don’t do it naturally. Women rate men
who display more facial emotions as more caring, intelligent, interesting and attractive which is freely
reported by women especially during courtship. This trend naturally extends throughout other areas of
life, especially business, but a certain degree of minimizing of expressions should be used when men
deal with other men. The research tells us that men tend to rate men who mirror facial expressions in a
negative light, describing them as more effeminate. Along the same lines, women who adopt more
serious facial expressions when interacting with men, will be seen by them as more intelligent. Thus, to
appeal to the opposite sex, the rule of thumb is to use “sex swapping characteristics” whereby we bend
toward the sex’s preferences to create more similarity. In other words, men should appear a bit more
feminine when interacting with women, and women should appear a bit more masculine when
interacting with men.
Men are at an inherent mirroring disadvantage though as researchers have found that they can make
fewer than one third the facial expressions that a woman can. What they lack for in facial expressions,
though, they make up for in emotional expressions through the body. Therefore, reading body cues is a
much better area to consider when reading men. The lack of facial expressions in men, which might be
seen as a natural disadvantage, is turned into dominance because men appear less emotional and more
“in control”, appearing to maintain their “cool” under more circumstances than women. This doesn’t
mean that men fail to experience emotions, because brain scans tell us otherwise. It just means that men
are better able to hide their emotions from the rest of us. Women shouldn’t be fooled into thinking men
aren’t listening or even empathizing with them simply due to their pan-faced expressions. Women
should though, be more watchful of men’s body language, that which happens in areas other than their
face, to read their emotions and when they mirror should follow what happens with their arms and legs
rather than what happens in their faces which will only be minimal. Conversely, men should do their
best to mirror women’s faces as best they can, and make up for whatever expressivity is lacking
through other body language channels.
Chapter 12 - Mirroring And Building Of Rapport
Summary – Chapter 12
In this chapter we found that mirroring is one of the quickest and most efficient ways to build rapport
with other people. It can be done consciously to gain an advantage and if done properly will go without
noticed. It is effective to create liking, acceptance and formulate bonds. We discussed the chameleon
affect where unconscious mimicry of postures, mannerisms, facial expressions, and other behaviours
occur between people of like minds. We looked at various studies showing that even purposeful
mirroring has positive effects, creates and reveals liking in others, and helps gain approval. We found
that proper mirroring is unlike the childhood game “copy-cat” where we imitate to irritate.
Proper mirroring, we found, works best by subtly picking up on unconscious gestures such as foot
shaking, body scratching, face or hair touching or changes in posture. We discussed that mirroring that
includes more dramatic gestures like leaning in, crossing legs, or folding arms, must always be done