The Ultimate Body Language Book

with all people.
Only sometimes does first come – first serve, apply to territories. Squatter’s rights as it where is also
organized by hierarchy. Those with higher rank can often force others to move, even just by their
presence. Sitting at the head of a table is fine so long as you are the highest rank to date, but if someone
of higher rank appears, it’s customary to relinquish, or at least offer the seat to them. Members of a
staff who are close in rank can sometimes power play each other for these seats at the boardroom table
in attempt to move up. The body language in these situations can become very potent as the desires of
each party becomes more evident. Your office staff knows which seats are most coveted!
Leaders also get permission to move through doorways first and walk in front of groups instead of
follow, and it is customary to allow them to do so. The exception, as always, comes when we wish to
usurp their position, challenge their authority, or try to build equality where we might trade dominance
rights back and forth.
Placing objects such as jackets and brief cases on a seat can hold it and delineate temporary ownership.
It is often easier and more polite to force an actual person to move than to move their unattended
personal items to usurp their space. Anyone who has spent anytime at a laundry mat knows how
piercing the stares and looks can be when you remove clothing from an un-attended dryer. Break-andenter-victims
complain most, not about being robbed of their possessions, but rather about feeling of
violation. It is unnerving to have had someone enter their personal space and hence territory without
their permission. Territoriality is a big part of the human repertoire. We rarely think about ownership of
people, but placing an arm over someone, playfully messing up their hair or guiding them to where we
want them to go by placing a hand to their back, as a parent would his child, are just a few ways that
we show others that we own and control them.
Bragging is an appropriate word that describes dominant behaviour in the same context with
ownership. Dominance is also not the same as confidence. Dominance just means that someone has
specific ideas about how they should be treated whereas confidence is a state of mind where a person
remains unshaken emotionally despite what happens externally. Therefore, dominant people can still
harbour insecurities about themselves which is evident through ownership because they will spend a lot
of time talking about, or drawing attention to their stuff. Naturally, this sort of thing happens
subconsciously, or even out of habit. Touching or fondling an expensive watch or piece of jewelry, or
going out of their way to be seen in an expensive car are just two examples of flaunting. Truly
confident people have no need to show-off to others, their achievements are grand enough to speak for
themselves and their earned success emanates from them through their nonverbal behaviour. There’s a
fine line between being cocky or arrogant and having to flaunt it in a way that others will find
offensive, and being confident, which is exuded seemingly naturally of which people find magnetic.
Confidence is one of those things that we all know it when we see it. Dominance that is justified by
accomplishments is certainly more tolerable, and with the addition of compassion and empathy, can
make all the difference in people’s acceptance of other’s dominance and the behaviour that follows.
Dominance is also expressed through claiming stake to valuable items, or the prevention of touching
certain things, or even occupying certain space. Preventing others from doing things, even at random is
a luxury afforded to, and by, powerful people. Even when seating is unassigned we often see the same
people day-after-day sitting in the same seats. This may have to do with maintain peace when it
happens on a first come first served basis, but when there is a shortage of quality positions, as there
most often is, we expect to see more dominant players jockey for more highly desirable areas. This is
exactly what does happen and because we live in a capitalist society, it happens everywhere and often.
Those higher in the ranks will have the best parking spots and the biggest offices, with the best view.
Thwarting dominance by ownership is fairly simple but also a possibly caustic affair. It can be done by
stealing a seat which will be seen as an invasion of territory, it could include getting into their personal