The Ultimate Body Language Book

conditions, so we might benefit from mutual gaze. When your counterpart wears glasses too, you might
however, both agree to keep them on.
Barriers for negatively reasons are most common, but as in the peek-a-boo game that is played by men
and women, objects can be used to tease and arouse in courtship. This is the case with “eye hiding”,
which happens when a drinking glass, menu, or even people moving about a room temporarily put out
of vision our object of affection. It can also happen by slightly turning away, or lowering the eyes
coyly. Dropping the eyes out of sight or looking over the shoulder when done by women is particularly
seductive. The loss of sight sends us into spells of worry, but when they suddenly reappear it sends our
hearts races with relief. Small babies especially enjoy this game, sending them into giggle fits, and
adults play along happily. When adults play the game with each other, it is only slightly more
sophistication.
How one holds their arms while seated at a table can tell us the degree of acceptance or defensiveness
they have toward us or our views. For example, having the arms apart indicates general agreement,
having both arms parallel but uncrossed shows partial agreement, and having the arms folded on the
table indicates disagreement. In this case, arms are being used as barriers. We have covered ways to
break barriers and open those who show closed body language earlier. To reiterate though, we
concluded that while it’s possible to open someone by offering them objects such as a drink or reading
material to uncross their arms, it is usually best to openly address their concerns.
Improper use of barriers happen to all of us, because we aren’t totally aware or continuously conscious
of their hidden meaning. Take a social gathering for example, where nearly everyone will have drinks
and snacks on hand. How do we hold them while we stand, what about while we sit? While standing,
more times than not, our arms are cocked at ninety degrees keeping our arm parallel to the floor to keep
our drink upright preventing it from spilling. Unfortunately, this sends a bad message because it is a
partially closed body position since it creates a barrier that isolates our bodies from others. While
drinking alcohol can make people more social, having to hold the drink at the chest impedes our ability
to use our hands properly and expressively. If you absolutely must drink or you think it is required to fit
in with the crowed, then try holding your glass to your side so that you don’t block off the center-line
of your body. If a table or bar top is nearby, use it to store your drink and so free your hands to gesture
with palms up. While sitting at a table, feel free to put your drink to your flank so that you aren’t
talking over it, and your arm, the entire evening. For a lot of people, drinks are crutches, something to
hold on to, and as described earlier, are a form of security blanket. If you think you’re ready to “grow
up”, try standing free form instead of toting your drink around at your chest. It’s not as easy as it
sounds!
Objects as small as pens, but as large as books or newspapers, can be used to indicate division between
people and create space between them. Just like the beverage example however, using the pen to write
on a piece of paper by crossing the center-line of the body effectively closes it off. If no object is
present at all, the barrier can still be formed by leaning on the table with both forearms and putting
weight on them. This anchors and locks the barrier into the table. Although it is a closed message, it can
be diminished to a degree by leaning forward toward your company. Holding the pen out and away
from the body shows the opposite message. It is an indication that someone wishes to “extend” or offer
an idea to them, and they wish their idea would cross the center-line of the table and enter into the other
person’s ideology. The same sort of casual invasion of space, showing a desire to become connected,
happens anytime the center-line cut evenly between two people, is breached. This can happen with
reading material or business documents, hands in gesture, hands to touch, the sharing of food and of
course love letters.
Conversations in busy places can be shut off completely just by raising a book and beginning to read.
Sometimes this isn’t enough, so emphasis needs to be placed on it. We do this by peering rudely over