...a deathly serenade...

real aesthetic love, though she saw differently...
Determinist thoughts bring sheers of necessity
...What else can happen? What I knew as fated,
due to my self-assessed life and ability for this
clear-sighted panoramic view of existence, was
Yashu’s decision. Disoriented he couldn’t
decipher his wants and needs and if any existed;
after his trip to reach satori he merely existed, I
think. I doubted whether he often left his studio
and he spoke about juxtaposing his expressionism
with Mark Rothko’s complex simplicity and one of
his last painting’s. Which seemed interesting, but
looking around his studio as he spoke, I noticed
all the empty bottles of V.I.P wine. And empty
Chinese takeaway boxes, being a surprising
remnant of Asian culture in his studio. And I
found his food habits peculiar as he mentioned
that he had a firm distaste for anything Asian;
throwing away all such books and paraphernalia
— as it would remind him of his failed attempt at
satori, he explained, I remember. I understood
this distaste, as if dealing with symptoms of posttraumatic
stress, but less so when he further
explained Zhaozhou’s assistant’s words. Who,
when subsequently asked by Yashu posed a
question: What is it that you’re looking for?
Zhazhou’s assistant asked, after mentioning that it
seemed he was so specifically in need. Yashu told
the assistant that he didn’t know what he was
looking for particularly, but that the little that he
received had to be increased, which prompted
Zhaozhou’s assistant to conclude: How could
somebody find something someone is not looking
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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