Backfire - Spander Files

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The walk back to Angel’s in the post-dawn hours was cleansing. Perhaps a little too
cleansing. As he watched the minor hustle and bustle of Sunnydale go about their
daily lives, he felt entirely disconnected. There were secrets in this town, and
Xander didn’t know who was keeping them. Who was living the real life? The
soccer moms and teenaged Doublemeat Palace workers and white-shirted business
men and street sweepers? Would it have been better to have remained ignorant of
the Hellmouth dealings? Was this a world that he could exist in and not be found
out?
Was his secret any bigger than the soccer mom who was having an affair with her
kid’s coach? Than the fast food flunky who never washed his hands? Than the
embezzling business man or the drunk city worker?
Who was it that participated in the death of a rapist last night? Certainly not Xander
Harris. Not this boy. At the moment, Xander didn’t know which he wanted more.
To fall back into his role as a seventeen year old boy, or to crawl back in bed with a
century old vampire and loose his boyhood to the night, whatever the darkness may
hold. Oddly, they both seemed equally appealing.
Angel was asleep by the time Xander got home. Choosing not to wake him to find
out how it went with Buffy, Xander simply took a shower, got dressed, gathered his
books and left for school. He arrived just as the first bell rang.
Thankfully, his first class was economics, which he did not share with Buffy or
Willow. He also managed to avoid them for his second period history class by
spending that time in the janitor’s closet with Cordelia.
And Cordy was being particularly enthusiastic today. His body was still sizzling
from his new encounter with Spike, and this girl’s touches were sparking some
naughty desires that Xander was more than willing to explore.
Naughty desires. It was fascinating to Xander that he completely separated these
feelings that he was having for Cordy from the feelings he had toward Spike. With