Backfire - Spander Files

Spike gulped. He hoped the fear couldn’t be seen on his face. Xander continued.
“I had your blood in my mouth just two days before that, remember? Remember
how I fucked you and bit you? I know how you taste. I felt it when you sliced open
your tongue on your own fang. The blood that flowed into me was cool in my
throat. I felt the empty promise in your kiss.”
Xander’s mouth attacked Spike’s, and the vampire gave all his control over to his
boy. The kiss was harsh and demanding, full of teeth and bite and tongue. Spike sat
back and took it.
Pulling away again suddenly, Xander slapped Spike again. Spike’s eyes shot open;
he hadn’t realized he had shut them. There was fire behind the brown eyes glaring
at him.
“Stop it!” Xander shouted. Spike raised an eyebrow at the anger. “Stop being afraid.
Stop being weak. Be who you are. Be the vampire that I fell in…”
The flame fizzled out of Xander’s eyes and they were quickly cast down, searching
for words that seemed obvious. Spike tilted his head to see the face, and what he
saw was Xander. His Xander. The expression was back. The doubt that masked the
confidence. The hatred that masked the love. Such a complex boy. Spike loved
every part of him.
The vampire reached up to touch his boy for the first time, cupping his chin and
bringing their eyes together again. The pretense was over.
“All your friends said goodbye. How could they do that? More than anyone, your
little Scooby Gang should know that death doesn’t have to be the end. I wasn’t
ready for it to end. And I’m used to getting what I want. I didn’t know who you
would have been as a demon, but you might have been partly you, and that was
good enough for me. So I broke my promise.”
Xander brought a hand up to stroke the back of Spike’s head. “And why are you
scared, now? Why are you afraid of me?”