Backfire - Spander Files

Spike was coating Xander’s body with heavy layers of soap. They both knew that
even the purity of Ivory couldn’t wash away the filth in Xander’s skin.
“Maybe,” Spike responded, and Xander heard the lump in Spike’s throat when he
said it.
When his front was as clean as it was going to get, Spike turned Xander around and
began working on his back with an even softer touch.
Xander tensed when he felt Spike fall to his knees behind him. “No, Spike, don’t.”
“Shh. S’okay. It’ll make it better.” Xander’s head fell hard against the tile in front
of him as Spike’s tongue touched the first tear at his hole. He tried to concentrate on
his own breathing while Spike was licking him. He attempted to picture the times
that Spike had done this and it had felt good. It had been many times, but for some
reason Xander couldn’t find any of those memories. He felt the empty tears fall
down his cheeks again, but he tilted his head back into the shower spray to wash
them away.
Shortly, he did feel a little better, but when Spike stood up and turned him around, it
was a tad too rough and something shifted inside him that caused more pain and
blood.
Spike’s eyes went dark when he smelled the fresh blood and he pressed their
foreheads together. The only thing they saw was each other’s eyes and the pain and
sorrow reflected in each. Maybe they were the same person. At the moment, Xander
couldn’t tell where he stopped and Spike started. Is this what Spike meant when he
said that Xander was whole?
Xander used to be a good man. Spike used to be pure evil. If Spike had the right
amount of goodness in him that made him care this much for Xander, then how
much evil did Xander have in him? Enough to not break when he was being raped?
Enough to kill?
What did he believe now? Did he believe that good will always triumph over evil?
And if so, what did that mean for himself? Would Willow really love him forever if