Backfire - Spander Files

By the time he had thought Don’t go out there for the seventh time, he was standing
at the back door, clad in just his boxers, with his hand on the door knob.
Fuck me, he cursed himself again.
Xander was terrified as he opened the door. He shook fiercely as he walked over to
Spike, whose position hadn’t changed. He stood in front of the vampire and
coughed as cancer-causing smoke was blown in his face.
“Christ, Spike, you trying to kill me?” Okay, that was out of his mouth before he
could brain-check it.
Spike laughed and flicked the cigarette away. “Well, that’s the question now, isn’t
it?”
Without the cancer-stick between himself and the vampire, Xander took one more
step closer to Spike. “I really don’t want to die.”
“Then what are you doing out here?” Spike took hold of Xander’s arms.
“I think you know the answer to that, you evil prick,” Xander responded, an
unwelcome tear rolling down his cheek. He watched Spike’s eyes as they changed
from sparkling blue to glowing gold. He thought about Willow. He loved Willow.
He tilted his head to left, exposing the scar that was just barely starting to heal. He
thought about Buffy. He loved Buffy.
Spike leaned forward and Xander felt a cold tongue wet the mark on his neck. His
knees went weak. Spike squeezed harder on his upper arms and Xander found
himself leaning further into the vampire. Then he thought about Angel. He hated
Angel. If it wasn’t for Angel, Spike would have had no idea who Xander was. It
was Angel who took Xander into the school on Parent-Teacher Night and offered to
share him with Spike.
“Fuck you, Angel.” The words escaped his lips before he could brain-check them,
again.