Backfire - Spander Files

eyebrows scrunched and Xander turned back away from the annoying yet familiar
expression.
Now Spike was looking at Xander, head tilted slightly. A look had glazed over the
one open eye. Xander stared, trying to place the expression. He hadn’t seen it
before, but thought perhaps there was a touch of desperation.
“Oh, God. Spike. You were trying to let her win, weren’t you?” The expression
didn’t change, but Spike started moving his thumb back and forth along Xander’s
chin. “If you wanted to die, you could have just stayed out in the sunlight.” The
thumb-stroking stopped. Xander got it. “But that would have been insulting to
Drusilla.” Thumb moving again. “You had to go down fighting. For her.”
Spike’s fingers slid up Xander’s throat to grasp just his chin. Then he was being
pulled forward slowly and closer to Spike. The vampire closed the distance between
them and Xander felt Spike’s lips on his own for the first time. It was faint and soft,
and not even a kiss. They just touched for a few moments, then Spike pulled away,
let go of Xander and rested his head back against the wall.
A part of Xander died a little bit right then. He thought perhaps he could feel a hole
in his swiss cheese brain close up. He leaned back and fell against the sarcophagus
behind him, closing his eyes. All cylinders in his brain fired and he searched his
fractured mind to figure out who was missing. Mini-Xander roll-call. Is everyone
present and accounted for? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…wait. Six? Hello?
Where are you guilt? Where are you anger? Where are you shame?
Oh, crap.
11
Giving and Taking