Australian Tales - Setis

A Matrimonial Juggler;
OR, MR. TEDDINGTON TROUT AND MISS CHARITY GLIMM.
“WELL that has a bonâ fide look certainly,” simpered Miss Charity
Glimm to herself, as she pored with exulting eyes over an advertisement
in the Herald. “There is an air of candour, and a gentlemanly style about
it, that struck me at first sight as being genuine. I would not for the world
reply to a thing of the sort, if I had the least idea that it was a hoax,
invented by a party of idiots, as is often the case, merely for the sake of
laughing at creatures almost as foolish as themselves. No, I really believe
that this is no meaningless joke, but the pure breathings of a refined,
manly soul, which is longing for sympathy and comfort, which it cannot
find in an ordinary way.” As Miss Glimm thus soliloquised, she took up
the paper again and deliberately read aloud the following stimulating
composition: —
“MATRIMONY.
“The advertiser, who is turned forty-one years of age, of pleasing
personal appearance, and easy means, is desirous of forming a
matrimonial engagement with a lady of suitable age. Money is not an
object, and will by no means counterpoise a lack of the main desiderata,
viz., agreeable person, amiable disposition, and domestic acquirements.
The most honorable secresy may be relied on. Address, in full
confidence, B. O. H., Post Office, Sydney.”
The honest reality of the foregoing so impressed Miss Charity, that her
appetite for mutton chops became quite inert; so she sipped a cup of tea,
then opened her writing desk, and after two hours' perplexing study she
had produced the following note, in time for the eleven o'clock iron
receiver: —
“To B. O. H., Post Office, Sydney.
“SIR, — The apparent candour and gentlemanly honesty which
pervades every line of your advertisement in this day's Herald, induces
me to reply to it with the feminine candour which it deserves. In full
confidence that I am not mistaken, I send you herewith my carte de
visite, which was taken on the first of May last. I was then thirty-seven
years of age, and a spinster; which I am still. I was brought up under the
eye of a virtuous aunt, whose only aim in life was to see me grow up
thoroughly domesticated. At her death she left me ninety pounds a year
for life, and her little brick cottage nicely furnished. It would not become