Australian Tales - Setis

As she sat in searching judgment upon herself, she became clearly
convinced of the cause of her irritability and furious temper, which had
not only made her life miserable, but had made her dreaded and disliked
by all her acquaintance — by every one in fact, but the dear, kind,
charitable soul which she had cruelly hunted out of his body. She became
bitterly conscious of the way she had been befooled by the tippling
tempter for years past; and she fancied she saw at the same time the evil
one before her eyes, sitting in the gutter, mocking her misery. Yes, there
sat old tom (the arch fiend, whom she had daily hugged to her bosom, for
many years) in the shape of an immense goggled-eyed toad, croaking and
spitting fire at her. There he sat, with all the malignity of Satan himself;
and as she gazed she hated him, and hated herself too for allowing that
deceitful enemy to tempt her into such shameful neglect of her sacred
conjugal duties; and she there and then resolved, that as soon as she got
her boots on again she would crunch old tom beneath her heels. Never
more should he enter her household, to breed disorder therein, and to ruin
her body, and soul too.
* * * * *
The pupil teacher at number one having found the watchman's rattle in
the lumber room, Mrs. Backboard seized it, and entering the front
balcony as bravely as a fireman, she rattled a rattle, louder than a sackful
of Chinese crackers all alight, which soon brought a posse of policemen
before the house, and a large concourse of excited spectators too.
Considering it imprudent to admit policemen, or any other men, inside
her doors at that hour, Mrs. Backboard explained to the inspector, from
the balcony, that a mysterious white figure was on the top of her house.
“Perhaps it is a white cat, madam,” suggested the inspector politely,
while some of his men were observed to wink.
“It is neither a cat nor a dog, sir,” replied Mrs. Backboard, with stately
emphasis, “I saw it with my own eyes, and I request that you will get a
ladder and catch it, whatever it may be. It has no right to trespass on my
roof, and disturb the peace of my household. I give it in charge.”
A ladder was procured, when a policeman mounted and peeped
cautiously over the parapet, just as Mrs. Lemonpip was vowing total
abstinence for life. As she caught sight of the man's head and shoulders,
she uttered a shriek, which made the multitude in the street shudder, and
made the man on the top of the ladder hasten to the bottom again faster
than he went up.
“What is it? What is it?” asked a hundred voices, as the terrified
policeman regained the roadway.
“It's a great big ghost, sitting on the slates,” said the man, wiping the
cold perspiration from his brow.