Australian Tales - Setis

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Old Daddy Gummy and Kitty Mayberry. “HA, ha, ha! I'm so glad!” chuckled Jabez Gummy, as he sat on the side of his bed, stitching a brace button on his drab kerseymere small clothes, one Monday morning. “No more stitching for me after I have fastened this blessed button: this is my last act of molly-coddlery. Hurra! I'll throw my thimble out of the window in a minute, and give my cotton box to old Mrs. Budge — no, no, I won't though, I forgot, it was a present from my grandmother, forty years ago last Christmas, so I'll keep it for her sake; it would be undutiful to part with it, and Mrs. Budge does not deserve it, for she has woefully neglected my wardrobe. My best linen shirts look as yellow as old blankets, and I do believe she wears my flannel waistcoats, drat her. Ha, ha, ha! I'm to be married next Friday! Won't it be funny! If I had plucked up heart to take the mysterious leap long ago, I might have made some pretty little maid a happy wife, and have had — but never mind, I'm just in time. The fact is, I have been afraid of the feminine gender ever since that unlucky affair with Ann Spike, in 1840, which split my heart like a ripe plum. But bother her, I don't care a button for her now; my dear little Kitty is worth forty old cats — ha! ha! ha! Bravo, Jabez! you have not forgotten the way to wheedle the women, though you have been long out of practice, but you have got a real jewel at last — or almost as good as got her. Hurra! again; no more domestic discomforts, which I have writhed under for nearly half a century. No more losing arguments with old Mother Budge about her omnivorous cat, and her mischievous boy Billy, or her mystified accounts. No more dull wearisome days, and lonely nights. No, no; I shall have a dear little wife to develope the latent virtues of my disposition; to love, honour, and cherish me, and make this sombre old house as shiny as a light-house lantern. Ho, ho, ho! how nice it will be!” The exciting idea made Mr. Gummy chuckle again, till he began to cough so fiercely, that he owned to himself, as he sat down to his solitary breakfast-table, a few minutes afterwards, “that he felt quite weak in the knees.” * * * * * “Zounds! what next? Daddy Gummy is actually going to marry Kitty Mayberry,” grumbled Mr. Grouts. “Did anybody ever hear of such an old
gooseberry?” He is sixty-five years old if he is a fortnight, while the girl has only just done with her dolls, and has no more love for the toothless old toddler than I have for Mammy Wombat, the black gin. Poor little puss, she is bedazzled by the glitter of his money, the idea of a grand wedding, and riding to church in a coach. I dare say it is rare fun for her to prattle with her playfellows about her fine house, and her dear old fogey who doats upon her, but I doubt if she has bestowed five minutes serious thought on the responsibilities she is taking upon herself; much less has she foreseen the gloomy reality of being tied to a ricketty old man, whose temperament is as opposite to her own as June is to January. I pity her, poor thing, but as for Jabez — well, perhaps I had better not say all I think of him, or I may be thought uncivil. I will say though, that he ought to have common sense enough to know that a giddy girl will not make him a good wife. In his long life he has doubtless seen scores of homes made wretched by want of sympathy and unity of feeling, and he cannot reasonably expect much of those social virtues from a girl young enough to be his grand-daughter. Pshaw! I have no patience with the old gander! But I consider it is positively wrong to sit still and see a silly couple plunge into misery, so I am determined to stop them, if warning words will do it.” “Ugh! stop them indeed! you may as well try to stop a train by whistling ‘Cockabendy,’ ” growled Mrs. Grouts. “They will be tied together, as tightly as you and I are, before this day week in spite of all you can say. The little minx told our Betsy last night, that she will jingle the mildew off the old boy's money as soon as she can coax the keys of the cash box from him; so it is plain enough what she is marrying for, and I'll bet you a penny she will bolt off with young Ben Spry before she is a year older. As for Jabez he is up to his eyes in love, as the saying is, and all the words in the dictionary won't cure him, so don't bother yourself in trying, master; that's my advice. You had better take warning by what your Uncle Dick got for himself when interfering in a similar case. You know he had to wear a bob wig, all his days, to hide the mark of the hot fire-shovel on his crown.” “I don't care for hot fire-shovels if they are in the way of duty,” said Mr. Grouts, bravely. “I mean to use my influence with Kitty's mother, if Jabez won't listen to reason.” “Poogh! that's no use neither, for she told me only yesterday she knew Gummy would make her girl a good husband. ‘To be sure he is older than Kitty,’ said she, but that isn't of much account now a days; you often see such disparities. He is a healthy man, though rather skinny, and he is as merry and frisky as she every bit; besides, he is not so old as folks say, and is able to provide handsomely for her, so I don't see that it is such a bad match as the times go. He is doatingly fond of her, there is no doubt of that, and Kitty will like anybody who is kind to her.’ Those are the
Page 1 and 2:
Australian Tales and Sketches From
Page 3 and 4:
Preface. MOST of the following tale
Page 5 and 6: Mr. Phiggs and His Christmas Breakf
Page 7 and 8: of cooking a potato, or a red herri
Page 9 and 10: shells, and a variety of other refu
Page 11 and 12: window, and being furnished with bu
Page 13 and 14: Speaking a Word in Season. SOME tim
Page 15 and 16: gooseberry. “I don't think that w
Page 17 and 18: satisfaction. As they usually had a
Page 19 and 20: A Matrimonial Juggler; OR, MR. TEDD
Page 21 and 22: his hand to his back so frequently,
Page 23 and 24: “Led go id I dell you!” he crie
Page 25 and 26: hurry with your reply.” Charity l
Page 27 and 28: niver fear — that is iv he's able
Page 29 and 30: head put in a sack, an' sarve ye ri
Page 31 and 32: luck wud have it, I wint on board t
Page 33 and 34: Joey Goosgog and Jasper Spindle's T
Page 35 and 36: tittle to me which side I sit, I ca
Page 37 and 38: say I could drive a horse. Somethin
Page 39 and 40: they had lighted a fire on a rock,
Page 41 and 42: that's all. He isn't worth much. Ug
Page 43 and 44: can't see nobody.” Mr. Spindles,
Page 45 and 46: outrage, you cowardly villain. We a
Page 47 and 48: the utter bewilderment of poor Mrs.
Page 49 and 50: you, for I know her history well. I
Page 51 and 52: willingly choose this delicate and
Page 53 and 54: called to upbraid her, as some of h
Page 55: luxury to me. Disease, delirium, ma
Page 59 and 60: for a lass of seventeen to be very
Page 61 and 62: iron and the marking ink. Excuse me
Page 63 and 64: “Did you though?” exclaimed Mrs
Page 65 and 66: make hair grow on a marrow-bone. Ha
Page 67 and 68: a life of misery, but you have made
Page 69 and 70: months; indeed, I was subject to pe
Page 71 and 72: Grinn's brain was rather over-taxed
Page 73 and 74: Don't Lie Down and Fret. ONE aftern
Page 75 and 76: he would probably never take the tr
Page 77 and 78: have upon the soils of some parts o
Page 79 and 80: slightest resistance. She is struck
Page 81 and 82: am not sure about that, but never m
Page 83 and 84: so than I had been six or seven yea
Page 85 and 86: monkey, or I shall kick you into th
Page 87 and 88: “Next day I went to London, with
Page 89 and 90: they often afford more ease than a
Page 91 and 92: of my life, and the prop and suppor
Page 93 and 94: Chapter IV. “As I before remarked
Page 95 and 96: way of setting him up in the world
Page 97 and 98: set me laughing; the next minute I
Page 99 and 100: dial warns us to bed. To concentrat
Page 101 and 102: and in turning over a waste-paper b
Page 103 and 104: “You have no idea how that cheere
Page 105 and 106: an opinion of her sense to believe
Page 107 and 108:
have been the dernier ressort, as i
Page 109 and 110:
Wife! what better friend have you i
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Widow Giles's Little Grocery Shop.
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short pause, and in a tone which pl
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upon doing something noble. “I ca
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Commercial Hobgoblins. IN the cours
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good customers display in these dis
Page 121 and 122:
“I did put it in my bank yesterda
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that would certainly damage me.
Page 125 and 126:
and had scarcely strength enough to
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altogether, sooner than suffer such
Page 129 and 130:
How the Knipps Family Kept “Merry
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chicken and a brown loaf; a plum pu
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catching a crab, with his heels in
Page 135 and 136:
“It is not all your fault, Bill,
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“The noise was stunning, and at f
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of virtue and wisdom, which he has
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Influenza Season. Scene: Sydney, Ki
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increase his surgical practice,”
Page 145 and 146:
Into each life some rain must fall.
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“Is anything troubling you, my de
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him. Scarcely has the poor widow re
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contemplated taking away her father
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with pearl buttons. “I'm much obl
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Jonathan made many admiring comment
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courteous, however, thus plainly to
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extra smart, and putting (with his
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to the prejudice of his sobriety, o
Page 163 and 164:
The magpies, which perched on the s
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number of genteel residents of the
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down beside the hedge, I want to sa
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fellows who ought to be ashamed of
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all vind out whether her be's a fit
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Shrugs. “OF course you know Mr. A
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stimulus, the dread of losing their
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“Joy Cometh in the Morning.” TH
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staysails, exposed all the time to
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I was glad, too, for the safety of
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The poor little tailor certainly lo
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Angry and hungry boys and girls are
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“Shove It on Board.” “LET go
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perplexed, and muttered that he “
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wonder that you did so.” “Well,
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table, when I re-entered the saloon
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fore sheet aft! Port the helm!” I
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in these days of active opposition,
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at the idea of soon seeing a living
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Goliah, taking the reins from the w
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at cousin Goodwin's, the widow made
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Mr. M'Faddle's Pic-Nic Party. THAT
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provisions, a keg of water, and sun
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from north west are usually the pre
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in the boat (which was a man-of-war
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the pleasure of your society, and t
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hope you will make a valuable use o
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oard, when Captain Gimble, glisteni
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coasting seamen are mercilessly exp
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usually as thick as tanner's refuse
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eccentricities which often interfer
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come again, that they might be look
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to see if it is sound; look at it a
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Gone to Heaven. A BELOVED friend of
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and summoning up his good-tempered
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it, that's what I mean. But cheer u
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Mrs. Lemonpip had seated herself on
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consequence than an old barrow with
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She lived upon nothing but victuals
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poor thing too.” “Well, well, m
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as sound as new saucepans. He was s
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in her right ear, and she was lying
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wife, and a respected landlady, in
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“Pooh! a great big goose!” snee
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unknown assailant, like a kangaroo
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his wife and his attic lodger, unti
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smiles of bygone days returned to h
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and went on deck to take a look at
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elieve there is no luck in sailing
Page 261 and 262:
said the captain, laughing till his
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Fire! Fire! Fire! I HAVE vivid reco
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good his loss. Pooh! what next?”
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Little Strangers. LIVES there an ho
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stimulating influence on my whisker
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under my arm. But I felt as fidgety
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my meagre description of that happy
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morning, for I tartly remarked, ‘
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you should have seen the animated f
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children, by giving them everything
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Jack Tars, Ahoy! HEAVE to, my heart
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wheel, in this frightfully heavy se
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have a good ship and a good offing,
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A Crippled Ship with a Wrangling Cr
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knocked to pieces on the rocks.”
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That is a pleasing picture; but as
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I drew out my purse, but found that
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landlord or his agent, demanding a
Page 297 and 298:
Micky Mahony's Mishaps. Chapter I.
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joke to be robbed of his all. “Ni
Page 301 and 302:
ullet ye'd murther me wid, that's a
Page 303 and 304:
fandangoes from the tea-tree scrub
Page 305 and 306:
very carefully, for he was not accu
Page 307 and 308:
pipe whin he blow'd me brains out,
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counthry as knows more nor I do abo
Page 311 and 312:
heard, when I got back to the stati
Page 313 and 314:
your sins, and give you grace to wa
Page 315 and 316:
that I wasn't a sheep too. But, pra
Page 317 and 318:
“THAT'S a raal jintleman, God ble
Page 319 and 320:
them asked Micky what he wanted wit
Page 321 and 322:
utterly disregarded, while his resi
Page 323 and 324:
seed, Joe; it was a muckle thief, t
Page 325 and 326:
prior to remanding it to a future d
Page 327 and 328:
go to, here,” said Micky, laying
Page 329 and 330:
“Light Weights” and “Short Le
Page 331 and 332:
lengths, and forged marks, are as c
Page 333 and 334:
“Don't Mention It.” “I WOULD
Page 335 and 336:
drawing pupils of an evening. Her o
Page 337 and 338:
God, and to lead a ‘sober, righte
Page 339 and 340:
Down in the Pit. “I FEAR that the
Page 341 and 342:
stay to examine. Turning round a ru
Page 343 and 344:
Boys and Girls! Beware of Snakes!
Page 345 and 346:
long shelly beach like avalanches,
Page 347 and 348:
again, and forced the jagged end of
Page 349:
vice, poverty, disease, and an agon
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Australian Tales - Setis

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