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divine-mercy-in-my-soul

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175 When I left the confessional, <strong>in</strong>effable joy filled <strong>my</strong> <strong>soul</strong>, so that I withdrew to a secluded<br />

spot <strong>in</strong> the garden to hide <strong>my</strong>self from the sisters to allow <strong>my</strong> heart to pour itself out to<br />

God. God‟s presence penetrated me and, <strong>in</strong> an <strong>in</strong>stant, all <strong>my</strong> noth<strong>in</strong>gness was drowned<br />

<strong>in</strong> God; and at the same moment I felt, or rather discerned, the Three Div<strong>in</strong>e Persons<br />

dwell<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> me. And I had such great peace <strong>in</strong> <strong>my</strong> <strong>soul</strong> that I <strong>my</strong>self was surprised that I<br />

could have had so many misgiv<strong>in</strong>gs.<br />

176 + Resolution: Faithfulness to <strong>in</strong>ner <strong>in</strong>spirations, even though I would have no idea how<br />

much I would have to pay for it. I must do noth<strong>in</strong>g on <strong>my</strong> own without first consult<strong>in</strong>g the<br />

confessor.<br />

177 + Renewal of vows. From the moment I woke up <strong>in</strong> the morn<strong>in</strong>g, <strong>my</strong> spirit was totally<br />

submerged <strong>in</strong> God, <strong>in</strong> that ocean of love. I felt that I had been completely immersed <strong>in</strong><br />

Him. Dur<strong>in</strong>g Holy Mass, <strong>my</strong> love for Him reached a peak of <strong>in</strong>tensity. After the renewal of<br />

vows and Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me with great<br />

k<strong>in</strong>dness, My daughter, look at My merciful Heart. As I fixed <strong>my</strong> gaze on the Most<br />

Sacred Heart, the same rays of light, as are represented <strong>in</strong> the image as blood and<br />

water, came forth from it, and I understood how great is the Lord‟s <strong>mercy</strong>. And aga<strong>in</strong><br />

Jesus said to me with k<strong>in</strong>dness, My daughter, speak to priests about this<br />

<strong>in</strong>conceivable <strong>mercy</strong> of M<strong>in</strong>e. The flames of <strong>mercy</strong> are burn<strong>in</strong>g Me – clamor<strong>in</strong>g to<br />

be spent; I want to keep pour<strong>in</strong>g them out upon <strong>soul</strong>s; <strong>soul</strong>s just don‟t want to<br />

believe <strong>in</strong> My goodness. Suddenly Jesus disappeared. But throughout that whole day<br />

<strong>my</strong> spirit rema<strong>in</strong>ed immersed (89) <strong>in</strong> God‟s tangible presence, despite the buzz and<br />

chatter that usually follow a retreat. It did not disturb me <strong>in</strong> the least. My spirit was <strong>in</strong><br />

God, although externally I took part <strong>in</strong> the conversations and even went to visit Derdy. 59<br />

178 Today we are beg<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g the third probation. All three of us met at Mother Margaret‟s, as<br />

the other sisters were hav<strong>in</strong>g their probation <strong>in</strong> the novitiate. Mother Margaret began with<br />

a prayer, expla<strong>in</strong>ed to us what the third probation consists of, and then spoke on how<br />

great is the grace of the perpetual vows. Suddenly, I began to cry out loud. In an <strong>in</strong>stant<br />

all God‟s graces appeared before the eyes of <strong>my</strong> <strong>soul</strong>, and I saw <strong>my</strong>self so wretched and<br />

ungrateful toward God. The sisters began to rebuke me, say<strong>in</strong>g, “Why did she break out<br />

cry<strong>in</strong>g?” But Mother Margaret came to <strong>my</strong> defense, say<strong>in</strong>g that she was not surprised.<br />

At the end of the hour, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and, like the greatest and<br />

most miserable of wretches, I begged for His <strong>mercy</strong> that He might heal and purify <strong>my</strong> poor<br />

<strong>soul</strong>. Then I head these words, My daughter, all your miseries have been consumed<br />

<strong>in</strong> the flame of My love, like a little twig thrown <strong>in</strong>to a roar<strong>in</strong>g fire. By humbl<strong>in</strong>g<br />

yourself <strong>in</strong> this way, you draw upon yourself and upon other <strong>soul</strong>s an entire sea of<br />

My <strong>mercy</strong>. I answered, “Jesus, mold <strong>my</strong> poor heart accord<strong>in</strong>g to Your <strong>div<strong>in</strong>e</strong> delight.”<br />

179 Throughout the third probation it was <strong>my</strong> duty to help the sister <strong>in</strong> the vestiary. 60 This<br />

duty gave me many occasions to practice virtues. Sometimes I had to take l<strong>in</strong>en to<br />

certa<strong>in</strong> sisters three times and still one could not satisfy them. But I also came to<br />

recognize the great virtues of some sisters who always asked (90) for the poorest th<strong>in</strong>gs<br />

from the vestiary. I admired their spirit of humility and mortification.<br />

180 + Dur<strong>in</strong>g Advent, a great yearn<strong>in</strong>g for God arose <strong>in</strong> <strong>my</strong> <strong>soul</strong>. My spirit rushed toward god<br />

with all its might. Dur<strong>in</strong>g that time, the Lord gave me much light to know His attributes.<br />

76

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