Billy Bunter's Benefit By Frank Richards - Friardale

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Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards CHAPTER XXXII SPANKER “BUNTER!” It was very unusual for Mr. Quelch’s voice to pass unheeded in the Remove form-room. But on this occasion it did. Billy Bunter was deep in thought. This rather unusual mental state brought a deep wrinkle to his fat brow, and made him a little oblivious of lessons. Bunter was never a very attentive pupil. Now he was more inattentive than ever. They were doing history in the Remove in that lesson. Never had the annals of his native land had less interest for the fat Owl. Bunter couldn’t have cared less. Bunter had, to his own satisfaction, solved his financial difficulty. He had hit on a way of getting easy money—so easy, that he really wondered that he had not thought of it before. All you had to do was to get a sure snip from a man who knew, put your money on, and collect your winnings. Then all was calm and bright. But easy and simple as it was to collect cash by this method, there were certain difficulties, when a fellow was at school. Unsympathetic beaks were liable to whop a fellow who was caught at it. The Bounder took that risk, in his sporting speculations, and Bunter was prepared to do the same, little as he liked taking the risk of a whopping. But whereas Smithy was in touch with a frowsy racing man outside the school, Bunter wasn’t. If Bunter was going to collect quids at the rate of four to one on Spanker after he had romped home, obviously Bunter had to be “on.” How was he going to get “on”? That little problem had to be solved without delay. It was Friday, and the two-thirty was run at Wapshot on Saturday. Bunter, being in the happy position of knowing the horse that was going to win, was extremely anxious to be “on” in good time. It would be simply awful not to be “on” when Spanker romped home! In such circumstances, it was no wonder that Billy Bunter had neither time nor inclination for lessons, Lessons, indeed, seemed to him a merely frivolous interruption of more important matters. Bunter’s stock of cash had been still further reduced during the past few days. Only three pounds seven remained out of Mr. Parker’s seven guineas. It could not be helped: for Bunter’s expected postal-order had still failed to arrive, and a fellow had to eat. But four to one on Spanker would set all Page 126 of 161
Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards that right—if Bunter was “on” in time! So, at the present moment, Bunter was not thinking of dead-and-gone kings and queens, or even of Quelch. He was thinking out the knotty problem of getting in touch with a “bookie.” “Bunter!” The Remove master, quite unaware that that fat member of his form had a problem on his mind which left him no leisure for lessons, rapped out his name a second time, in sharper tones. Fellows looked round at Bunter. The fat Owl had been known to nod off in class on a warm day. But Bunter was not asleep this time. He was concentrated in deep thought—though the subject of his deep cogitations was evidently not English history. “BUNTER!” Quelch almost roared. This time the fat Owl sat up and took notice. He gave a little jump, and gave his form-master a little blink. “Oh! Yes, sir!” stammered Bunter. “D-d-did you speak, sir?” “I have spoken to you three times, Bunter!” said Mr. Quelch in a deep voice. “You are not paying attention, Bunter.” “Oh, yes, sir! I—I heard everything you were saying, sir. I—I—I wasn’t missing a word, sir.” “I asked you a question, Bunter.” “Oh! Did you, sir?” If Quelch had asked him a question, Bunter hadn’t heard it—or at all events heeded it. He wondered dismally what that question was. Something about some beastly king or queen, he expected. How was a fellow to answer questions about beastly kings and queens when his mind was running on Spanker? Spanker was quite enough for Bunter to think of, at the moment. All the kings and queens of England from the time of King Arthur were merely also-rans, in comparison with Spanker! “Will you give me attention, Bunter?” rapped Mr. Quelch. “Oh! Yes, sir! I—I———.” “What king succeeded Edward the Fourth on the throne of England?” “Spanker, sir.” “What?” gasped Mr. Quelch. “Oh, my hat!” murmured Bob Cherry. “Oh, crikey! I—I—I mean—,” muttered Bunter. “I mean—I didn’t mean—I—I—-oh, lor’!” “Did you say Spanker?” articulated Mr. Quelch. “What do you mean by Spanker, Bunter? Is this an impertinent jest?” “Yes, sir—I—-I mean, no, sir—oh, no. sir! I—I mean—I didn’t mean Page 127 of 161
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