Billy Bunter's Benefit By Frank Richards - Friardale

Billy Bunter’s Benefit
By Frank Richards
“A—a—a very peculiar aroma,” gasped Mr. Capper.
“It is growing worse,” said Mr. Hacker.
“Much worse!” said Mr. Lascelles.
“Mon Dieu! Mais c’est aifreuse!” gurgled Monsieur Charpentier. “Je n’en
comprends rien—mais c’est affreuse.”
It was bad to begin with. But it was certainly growing worse—much
worse—rapidly worse. As Hamlet, in the Rag. was remarking. “Thus bad
begins, but worse remains behind!”
What was the cause of it was a mystery to the beaks. They were not
likely to guess, in a hurry, that a Fifth-form man had clambered on the
roof, to drop smoky stink-bombs down the chimney of the Rag and dish
the theatrical performance there. Nor were they likely to guess that
Coker of the Fifth had selected the wrong chimney, and was dropping his
stink-bombs down the chimney of Common-Room in mistake for that of
the Rag!
These things were quite unknown to the Masters’ Meeting. Naturally they
had not the remotest idea of the extraordinary activities of Coker of the
Fifth.
“Bless my soul!” said the Head again. He half-rose.
“Something is wrong with the chimney!” said Mr. Prout, staring at the
fireplace with bulging eyes. “There is no fire, but smoke is coming from
the chimney—.”
“Extraordinary!”
“Upon my word!”
“Oooooogh!”
“Urrrrggh!”
“Something—something is falling down the chimney!” exclaimed Mr.
Quelch. He started to his feet. “I distinctly saw something fall—.”
“I—I—I heard something!” ejaculated Mr. Hacker. “It was rather like the
popping of a cork—.”
“Urrrrrgh!” gurgled Prout. “This is—is—is intolerable! Why, the room is
filling with—with vapour—and the—the smell—urrrggh!”
All the masters were on their feet now. Decorum was forgotten—
solemnity thrown to the winds.
“Gentlemen!” gasped the Head. A rush of aroma from the fireplace caught
him, and nearly deprived him of breath, and he could only gasp,
“Gentlemen, in the—the circumstances, I think we will adjourn the
meeting—.”
“Grooooogh!” from Prout.
“Oooooch!” from Hacker.
Dr. Locke sailed majestically doorward. Majestic as he was, his
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