Billy Bunter's Benefit By Frank Richards - Friardale

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Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards “Sure you’ve got it right?” asked Bunter, anxiously. “I never noticed exactly how much I—I lost. People say there’s nothing as certain as arithmetic, but that’s all rot, to get it right, you know, to make it up again.” “Fathead!” “Well, then, I’m two pounds one shilling short,” said Bunter. “I say, Peter, can you lend me two pounds one?” Bunter blinked hopefully at his study-mate. “If you could lend me two pounds one, Peter, it would be all right,” he said, persuasively. “I’ll settle when my postal-order comes, of course. I believe I told you I was expecting a postal-order, Toddy.” “I believe you did,” agreed Peter. “Don’t tell me again. As you’re such a dab at arithmetic, perhaps you can tell me whether two pounds one will come out of one and threepence.” “Eh?” “That’s all I’ve got.” “Oh, crikey!” “You blithering ass,” exclaimed Peter Todd, “It was just tremendous luck for Smithy to shell out as he did. Then you shove the money into a pocket with a hole in it! Lucky you didn’t lose the lot.” “Oh! Yes!” gasped Bunter. “W-w-wasn’t it? J-j-jolly lucky! I say, Peter, what’s a chap going to do? ‘Twasn’t my fault that it went through that great big hole in the lining of my jacket, was it?” “I suppose not, as you’re a blithering, burbling, benighted chump,” agreed Peter. “If it’s gone, I’ll speak to some of the fellows, and we’ll see what we can do. But make sure first that it’s gone.” “It’s gone all right, Peter. That great big hole in the lining—” “Some of it may have stuck in the lining,” said Peter. “Oh! No! You—you see—.” “I lost a tanner once, and found it in the lining of my jacket,” said Peter. “Have you looked?” “Oh! Yes! I—I’ve looked, and—and it’s gone. You—you see—.” “Well, I’ll look too.” “Let’s look, ass.” “Oh, crikey!” Billy Bunter blinked at Peter in alarm. “I—I say, it’s no good looking, Peter—I’ve looked, you know—and—and it’s gone.” “Well, if it’s gone, it’s gone,” said Peter. “But we’ll make sure. I’ll go through the lining—.” “But, I—I—I say—.” “You howling ass, some of it may be stuck in the lining all the time,” exclaimed Peter, impatiently. “If it’s gone, I’ll see what can be done—but Page 64 of 161
Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards we’ll make sure first, you chump!” “Look here, you let my jacket alone—stop grabbing at me—I tell you—will you let my jacket alone?—look here—Beast!” Peter Todd jerked out the lining of the jacket pocket. The next moment he jumped. There was no hole in that pocket. But there was some thing else. It was a large packet of butterscotch—a remnant of Billy Bunter’s extensive purchases at the Courtfield bun- shop. Peter Todd gazed at the intact lining. He gazed at the packet of butterscotch. Then he gazed at Bunter. His gaze grew more and more expressive. He did not speak. With his left hand, he grasped Bunter’s fat neck. With his right, he jammed the packet of butterscotch down Bunter’s back. Then he tapped the fattest head at Greyfriars on the study table. It was quite a hard tap. “Yarooh!” roared Bunter. Peter strolled out of the study. Billy Bunter was left rubbing a fat head with one hand, and trying to extract a packet of butterscotch from his podgy back with the other. And it was borne in on his fat mind that there was no assistance to be expected from Peter in solving his financial problems. CHAPTER XVII UP TO WHARTON! “IT’S up to you, Wharton.” “To me?” repeated the captain of the Remove. “You!” said Wibley. He spoke decidedly. There was a meeting in No. 1 Study. The principal members of the Remove Dramatic Society were gathered in consultation. The subject under discussion was finance. Like many amateur dramatic societies, the R.D.S. found some difficulties in that direction. The subscription was a rather low one, suited to the pecuniary circumstances of Lower-Fourth fellows. And some members were late with their subscriptions. Some were very late. Some indeed proffered ingenious excuses and explanations instead of subscriptions. Others, more wealthy, would make extra contributions—but these were few. Since William Wibley had become President and general inspiring genius of the R.D.S., expenses had increased. Wibley liked to do things well. He did not believe in spoiling a ship for a ha’porth of tar. If a thing was Page 65 of 161
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