Billy Bunter's Benefit By Frank Richards - Friardale

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Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards the handle-bars, and delivered the same—accompanied, naturally, by Mr. Parker’s bill. Had that little bill been marked “C.O.D.,” difficulties might have accrued, But at a school like Greyfriars Mr. Parker, naturally, was not particular about cash on delivery. In fact, Bunter was in class when the bike arrived, and it was handed to Gosling. After class, Bunter received the bike and the bill. The bike he was very glad to see. The bill afforded him no pleasure. It was likely to afford Mr. Bunter, if possible, even less! But it had to go to Mr. Bunter. Bunter’s own financial resources, at the moment, were limited to three- halfpence. It was true that he was expecting a postal-order: but that was no present help in time of need. So far, all had gone well. Bunter had his new bike. Now, when he wanted a jigger, he did not have to risk a booting by borrowing some other fellow’s. All that remained was to send the bill home, and hope for the best. So there was Billy Bunter, in No. 7 Study, wrinkling his fat brows over his letter home. He wanted to be as tactful as possible with that letter. He did not want any mistakes in spelling—a subject upon which his parent had sometimes made quite sharp remarks. Peter Todd did not seem disposed to look out “wonderful” in the dictionary. Bunter was, of course, too lazy to do so himself. So he had to chance it. “If you’re quite sure there’s only one L, Peter—.” “Quite, ass.” Bunter was not sure that Toddy had it right. But he let it go at that, and wrote down “wunderfool”—with only one L. “How many EE’s in ‘machine,’ Peter?” “One, fathead.” “Oh, don’t be an ass,” said Bunter, peevishly. “What I mean is, are there only two, or three?” “Great pip!” “I believe it has an E at the end,” said Bunter. “Don’t you think so?” “Ha, ha! Bank on that,” agreed Peter. “Well, that makes three,” said Bunter. “Not much good asking you anything about orthology, Peter.” “About what?” ejaculated Peter. “Orthology—spelling,” explained Bunter. “You don’t happen to mean orthography?” asked Peter. “No, I don’t. And stop cackling,” snapped Bunter. “You told me the other day that there was only one N in ‘money’! Fat lot of use asking you anything.” Page 34 of 161
Billy Bunter’s Benefit By Frank Richards And Bunter, despising further assistance from Peter Todd, went on his way unaided with his letter home. When he had finished it, he surveyed it with considerable satisfaction. It ran: Dear Father, I have not herd from you in repply to my last letter, so I rite these phew lines to hoap that you are kwite well. You will be pleezed to here that I am getting on well in class, all threw hard wurk, and that Mr. Quelch has prazed me a good deal lately. He is partikularly pleezed with my spelling. Since you toald me last time to be more kareful with it I have been extreemly kareful, and whennever I am in dowt I look out the wurd in the dickshunary at wunce, to make shore: Yor affectshonate Sun, William. P.S.—I have bort the bike I menshuned and enklose the bill. It is a wunderfool macheene for the munny wich is very cheep. Bunter could not help feeling pleased with that composition. His great gift of tact was well displayed in it. Mr. Bunter, on reading that letter, would find first of all an affectionate concern for his health, which could hardly fail to make a good impression to begin with. Next he would learn that his hopeful son had been working hard, and winning the commendation of his form-master. Next, that his advice to his son had been taken to heart. By the time Mr. Bunter had read, marked, learned, and inwardly digested all that, he would come to the postscript, which would not then be too much of a shock to him—at least, Bunter hoped that it wouldn’t. Anyhow, Mr. Bunter would be faced with a fait accompli. That really was the unscrupulous fat Owl’s trump card, Not that Billy Bunter realised that there was anything unscrupulous about this. Billy Bunter’s powerful intellect moved in mysterious ways its wonders to perform. “I fancy that’s all right,” said Bunter, complacently. “I say, Peter—.” “Well, what next?” asked Peter. “How many K’s in ‘cat,’ or what?” “Beast! I mean, can you lend me a stamp, old chap?” Peter Todd produced a stamp. Billy Bunter folded up the bill in the letter, placed it in an Page 35 of 161
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Billy Bunter's Benefit By Frank Richards - Friardale

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