Notes from the Dream (circa 1982-1986) - Stephen H. Wolinsky Ph. D.

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Never filled,always emptyAlways trying to fill itandI hated itAnd for this reasonI hated myself.The song from the late 1960’s by John Lennonbuzzed in my head:“Look at meWho am I supposed to beWho am I supposed to be”Was this emptiness the existential dilemma?Albert Camus’ absurdity of lifeHeidegger’s “thrown into the world”?The existentialist in me wondered;Is this the emptiness we all had to deal with?Life as a meaningless purposeless void?In my midnight confessions,where I lie alonelife was a liar, and I was a fraud.Was this pain, anger, frustration or sadness asymptom, a reactionAnd if so, what could the cause be?15
I had spent my life-time trying to discover whoI was,trying to get rid of this emptiness insideLike Mother Theresa –I had taken on beliefsystems and I had failed.I not only did not know who I wasbutI knew that my personality had become a seriesof adjustmentsa pretendA forgotten pretendAn actA series of conditioned automatic reactions,emotions, sensations and verbal crap that Iseemed unable to stop and certainly unable tounderstand.Unknowingly my life had been dedicated to aself-image I had in my mind of who I wasA survival strategy?A self image which I had been given somehowInternal-external voicescarrying on conversationsstories,explanations,justificationsrationalizationsabout what was happening or why I did what Idid in my life16
Page 2 and 3: NotesFromThe DreamCirca 1982-1986Or
Page 4 and 5: DedicationTo NityanandaTo Sri Nisar
Page 6 and 7: “We are such stuff that dreams ar
Page 8: A Historical StoryAbout the TextIn
Page 11 and 12: as well as the extreme difficulty i
Page 13 and 14: The Dream YogaPart IFrom the Six Yo
Page 15: I felt like what Martin Heidegger h
Page 19 and 20: An “I” which believed wholehear
Page 21 and 22: Deep downI could not believe in the
Page 23 and 24: accepted, and be loved.The problem
Page 25 and 26: The dreamWithinTheDreamIIIThey are
Page 27 and 28: enabling me to feel nothing at all
Page 29 and 30: say what I was feeling without inte
Page 31 and 32: The dreamWithinTheDreamVJacque Derr
Page 33 and 34: self-actualization contained within
Page 35 and 36: I felt like I was in a place over h
Page 37 and 38: The dreamWithinTheDreamVII“Every
Page 39 and 40: uised images that had been created,
Page 41 and 42: Lying there facing what I perceived
Page 43 and 44: of time and motion. I truly could n
Page 45 and 46: The dreamWithinTheDreamIXThe Not-I-
Page 47 and 48: ubble enquiring “Who am I?” was
Page 49 and 50: I became aware of the “emptiness
Page 51 and 52: The dreamWithinTheDreamXBuddhism: A
Page 53 and 54: knew exactly what it was supposed t
Page 55 and 56: The dreamWithinTheDreamXIThrough th
Page 57 and 58: ecause as the emptiness there was n
Page 59 and 60: Yet, it was clear that everything w
Page 61 and 62: ackground of the emptiness along wi
Page 63 and 64: Unexpectedly in the distance there
Page 65 and 66: In one Quantum-bubble-realm which a
Page 67:
In one bubble the concept of the ob
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comes into your awareness, the ques
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actually did not exist outside of a
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A bubble called what will the futur
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I began to just want the bubbles to
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A thought arose “Where is your bo
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Why?“I” realized that with each
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXVIII“Ever
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I spent what seemed like years in t
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My story was that Spiritual Paths e
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As the Not-I-I state looked “back
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“Consciousness is emptinessEmptin
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(whatever THAT was).In this way wit
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXIXTHE HEART
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Next:appreciate that “your heart
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The second chakra is about four fin
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You might even hear a clap of light
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were like rays of the sun getting m
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And, that each bubble universe I en
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She continued, “Feel your body ag
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Meditate: Visualize the elements (a
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXIIIThe Voi
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Consciousness is the basic substanc
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He continued reading and then speak
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meditation bubble-realm. Remaining
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ubble-realms that arose and subside
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etween state the Buddhists called t
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Then:The explicate perceivable worl
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more aware of.Soon I was drawn into
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the ocean, like closing the eyelids
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space in an attempt to get to their
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXVIThe I am
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space, mass, and time of the explic
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and associations and our feeling of
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I began to wonder, what am I missin
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXVIII“Eve
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXIXDristi S
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which appeared gave the illusion of
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Awareness as the lens or veil can b
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Through the lens of awareness the e
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXI“There
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Surround the cremated body with “
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this Bohm called the explicate orde
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The “perceived” concept called
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The Eight Negations of NagarjunaThe
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The Emptiness Bubble:The emptiness
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It was a “light” that lie betwe
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“Everything has Buddha nature.”
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nucleus then there was between the
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Waking DreamsIIIShiva Sutras: “Th
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Waking DreamsIVThe Vijnana Bhairava
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Waking DreamsVThe Shiva SutrasConte
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Once again the “I” label vanish
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There is no witness and there is no
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Waking DreamsVIIIWithout eyesWithou
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Emptiness means withoutNirvana is w
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the voidness of voidthe nonexistent
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This accounts for the germination o
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Waking DreamsXThe “I” label dis
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(nature), which too was nonexistent
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The “I” was an illusion!Even if
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What’s left is not even the aware
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Waking DreamsXIIThe Not-I-I state a
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Waking DreamsXIIIThe enfolding and
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Waking DreamsXIV“Nothing is.” N
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See the dream as consciousnessSee t
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The perceiver or knower of the void
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THE ENDOf THE NON-LINEARTHE STORY20
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Notes from the Dream (circa 1982-1986) - Stephen H. Wolinsky Ph. D.

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