Notes from the Dream (circa 1982-1986) - Stephen H. Wolinsky Ph. D.

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The dreamWithinTheDreamIINisargadatta Maharaj (paraphrased), the IAm, that felt sense of isness or beingness isthe backbone of all other states.The inner emptiness and the pain was alwaysin the background ready to infect me. Itmattered not how much drugs, sex, school,psychotherapy, meditation, or spiritual practiceI dived into.The inner emptiness and the pain was like ashadow ready to leap on me.I truly only wished to be like everyone else,to fit in, to play the game and not have thisknowing that it was a game. Instead, I alwaysknew it was a game, and I imagined everyoneelse did too. By my late teens I was puttingall my energies into erecting a self-image - alook - trying to figure out what the outer worldwanted, and enacting it so I could survive, be21
accepted, and be loved.The problem was the more images I developed,the more I had to put energy into keeping themalive and defending them.Ironically, imagining the images which Ithought would get me out of pain and relievethe pain only lead to more pain.An increasing number of masks were erected tohide what was really going on and to hidethe gnawing inner emptinessI began to feel a bit crazyWhy weren’t people talking about this?Does not anyone else have thisexistential–existence-ism experience?The inner emptiness was not being mentionedin conversation!Why was it being avoided in conversation?Maybe people did not want to deal with theirown emptiness?How can I “fit in”?My experience seemed so differentI felt distant from other people, and all theattempts made and efforts through sharing andcommunication to not feel disconnected onlyexacerbated the problem.22
Page 2 and 3: NotesFromThe DreamCirca 1982-1986Or
Page 4 and 5: DedicationTo NityanandaTo Sri Nisar
Page 6 and 7: “We are such stuff that dreams ar
Page 8: A Historical StoryAbout the TextIn
Page 11 and 12: as well as the extreme difficulty i
Page 13 and 14: The Dream YogaPart IFrom the Six Yo
Page 15 and 16: I felt like what Martin Heidegger h
Page 17 and 18: I had spent my life-time trying to
Page 19 and 20: An “I” which believed wholehear
Page 21: Deep downI could not believe in the
Page 25 and 26: The dreamWithinTheDreamIIIThey are
Page 27 and 28: enabling me to feel nothing at all
Page 29 and 30: say what I was feeling without inte
Page 31 and 32: The dreamWithinTheDreamVJacque Derr
Page 33 and 34: self-actualization contained within
Page 35 and 36: I felt like I was in a place over h
Page 37 and 38: The dreamWithinTheDreamVII“Every
Page 39 and 40: uised images that had been created,
Page 41 and 42: Lying there facing what I perceived
Page 43 and 44: of time and motion. I truly could n
Page 45 and 46: The dreamWithinTheDreamIXThe Not-I-
Page 47 and 48: ubble enquiring “Who am I?” was
Page 49 and 50: I became aware of the “emptiness
Page 51 and 52: The dreamWithinTheDreamXBuddhism: A
Page 53 and 54: knew exactly what it was supposed t
Page 55 and 56: The dreamWithinTheDreamXIThrough th
Page 57 and 58: ecause as the emptiness there was n
Page 59 and 60: Yet, it was clear that everything w
Page 61 and 62: ackground of the emptiness along wi
Page 63 and 64: Unexpectedly in the distance there
Page 65 and 66: In one Quantum-bubble-realm which a
Page 67: In one bubble the concept of the ob
Page 70 and 71: comes into your awareness, the ques
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actually did not exist outside of a
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A bubble called what will the futur
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I began to just want the bubbles to
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A thought arose “Where is your bo
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Why?“I” realized that with each
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXVIII“Ever
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I spent what seemed like years in t
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My story was that Spiritual Paths e
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As the Not-I-I state looked “back
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“Consciousness is emptinessEmptin
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(whatever THAT was).In this way wit
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXIXTHE HEART
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Next:appreciate that “your heart
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The second chakra is about four fin
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You might even hear a clap of light
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were like rays of the sun getting m
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And, that each bubble universe I en
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She continued, “Feel your body ag
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Meditate: Visualize the elements (a
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXIIIThe Voi
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Consciousness is the basic substanc
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He continued reading and then speak
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meditation bubble-realm. Remaining
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ubble-realms that arose and subside
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etween state the Buddhists called t
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Then:The explicate perceivable worl
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more aware of.Soon I was drawn into
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the ocean, like closing the eyelids
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space in an attempt to get to their
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXVIThe I am
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space, mass, and time of the explic
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and associations and our feeling of
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I began to wonder, what am I missin
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXVIII“Eve
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXIXDristi S
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which appeared gave the illusion of
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Awareness as the lens or veil can b
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Through the lens of awareness the e
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The dreamWithinTheDreamXXI“There
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Surround the cremated body with “
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this Bohm called the explicate orde
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The “perceived” concept called
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The Eight Negations of NagarjunaThe
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The Emptiness Bubble:The emptiness
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It was a “light” that lie betwe
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“Everything has Buddha nature.”
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nucleus then there was between the
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Waking DreamsIIIShiva Sutras: “Th
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Waking DreamsIVThe Vijnana Bhairava
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Waking DreamsVThe Shiva SutrasConte
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Once again the “I” label vanish
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There is no witness and there is no
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Waking DreamsVIIIWithout eyesWithou
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Emptiness means withoutNirvana is w
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the voidness of voidthe nonexistent
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This accounts for the germination o
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Waking DreamsXThe “I” label dis
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(nature), which too was nonexistent
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The “I” was an illusion!Even if
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What’s left is not even the aware
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Waking DreamsXIIThe Not-I-I state a
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Waking DreamsXIIIThe enfolding and
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Waking DreamsXIV“Nothing is.” N
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See the dream as consciousnessSee t
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The perceiver or knower of the void
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THE ENDOf THE NON-LINEARTHE STORY20
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Notes from the Dream (circa 1982-1986) - Stephen H. Wolinsky Ph. D.

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