A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

Use: When the speaker indicates the belief that there are oo exceptions.
Example: When speaker says, "Everyone thinks I'm stupid," ask, "Can you tell me
one person who doesn't? You mean everyone thinks you're stupid, even your pet
rock?"
Example: When speaker says, "I'm always late," ask, "Can you think of. time when
you weren't late?"
Changing Meanings
5. flow do you know?
Use: When the speaker is mind reading. Example: When speaker says, "I know he
doesn't love me," ask, "How do you know?" Example: When speaker says, "He
should know better," ask, "flow should he know?"
important to bring into their conscious awareness the specific behaviors which
they believe to be the cause of the emotional states. 13y maintaining a meta
perspective - an awareness of the pattern involved - you can effectively lead the
speakers to an understanding of the concept in ways that are more relevant to
them personally. In this way you would not deal directly with the more abstract
ideology that underlies their belief system but would concentrate on more
pragmatic, practical implications of the pattern.
One mistaken notion sometimes arises during the teaching of the concept of cause and
effect to groups. Some people think it implies that a person may do whatever he likes
regardless of others. I would like to stress that a person who is behaving in a responsible
manner is cognizant enough of others to take into account how they may choose to
respond to his behaviors. Most individuals do not care to spend time with someone who
behaves in a way which is unpleasant to them. People learn early what kinds of behavior
will get them what they want, and these are incorporated into their models of the world.
Everyone is always acting in accordance with these models.
Only too often, these generalized statements about the world come from the speaker's
own model. By linguistically leaving himself out as the evaluator or judge, the speaker
indicates the possibility that there are limits within his model that he doesn't recognize as
being self-imposed. 13y requesting the speaker to identify the "judge" who is making
these value judgements, you can assist him in confronting those limits or rules in his
model of the world. Once they have been identified, they can be challenged for their
validity, especially if they are preventing the speaker from experiencing a fuller, richer
life.
Some examples of this violation that are often indicative of unconscious, limiting rules
are:
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Lost performative. Lost performative refers to judgments, beliefs, or standards expressed
by a person in such a way that the individual who is making the judgment or setting the
standard is not identified in the speaker's SS. 'these statements usually come out as
generalizations about the world, and they have no apparent connection with the speaker.
In the illustration below, it is hard to tell whether the girl is simply "parroting" something
she has heard or actually believes what she is saying. Of course, the hm's response to her
initial statement indicates what he thinks about the matter!
Speaker: "That's a stupid thing to do." Response: "That's stupid according to