A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

sequence of responses. The form was rigid and predictable, and everyone knew what
was expected.
A more current example of social constraints concerns socially imposed "rules"
governing direct eye contact. 1 z There are subcultures in the United States that believe that
if one man stares directly into the eyes of another man, it is a "challenge," much like the
traditional "glove-in-the-face slap" that initiated the duel ritual. In these situations, again
highly regulated by custom, there are specific things that each man is expected to do. The
challenge is either accepted or declined, depending on the response of the second man to
the initiating stare.
Problems may result if two or more individuals are combined from different subcultures
with different rules or customs. In an institutional setting, for example, where many
differing subcultures are forced to co-mingle, inability to predict expected responses
creates the potential for very volatile interactions. For those responsible for maintaining
order, the process of "keeping the peace" becomes a labrious and sometimes harrowing
experience.
Any time we are confronted with a situation where two models differ, as in the above
example, it becomes crucial to determine what the rules are for each of the models. These
social constraints on the models, properly utilized, are invaluable in the process of
gaining rapport, in "speaking the some language" of the parties involved. Using these
rules can help create the trust and free-flowing communication necessary for successful
positive interventions. Understanding the impact of social constraints on the eommunication
process is one of the ways of orienting yourself to the inevitable differences in each
individual's model of the world. Identifying and then honoring these constraints will
prevent them from blocking the communication process.
Individual Constraints
As pointed out by L.K. Ferguson in Personality Deuelopntent, "'Personality' is a term
that has been defined more variously than perhaps any other general concept in
psychology." (p, 2) 'faking into account an individual's genetic makeup, Ferguson makes
a valid argument for an
2,3
20
21
for sounds, and OG for smell and taste. For every moms
there is one complete set of these experiences, b;, ie
h nt As J. Samuel
Bois, the general semanticist, observs in The
these sets is called a 4-tuple. of A r
t of Awareness, ' . I don't see the same
things, don't observe the same events, when I change from my French to my English
brain." He goes on to say, "Changing my
ge changes me as
langua an observer. It changes my world at
the same trims." (P. 20)
Figure I - 2 shows the language component being added to the 4 triple. This either
accentuates certain aspects of the neurological model or deletes or distorts it. It can
enhance perception as in the case of the Eskimos. Even though I could