A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

times shake the very foundations of his belief systems. It is exciting when people begin to
understand that they do have control in situations where they thought they didn't, and they
can actually change their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. However, the sudden
realization of this additional responsibility may also be uncomfortable or even traumatic
to some. Be prepared to provide additional support and understanding to people who
begin to make dramatic changes in themselves and their models of reality.
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had been made. As it was in her case, it can be important to challenge this generalization.
This enables a person to discover how his model limits his experience of the world in
ways that may be causing undue pain. In the illustration below, the man is so wrapped up
in his particular frame of mind that he rune the risk of failing to perceive the happy wthe
welcome by his beautiful, healthy family. This isatypistocalrteodf ay universal quantifiers
can be indicative of di
model of the world.
By helping a speaker to recognize that such a statement is a generalization that is not
necessarily based on reality, you begin the process of expanding and changing those
perceptions that limit and cause the person to suffer needlessly. The Meta Model response
to phrases which include words like "always," "never," "all," "nothing ever," etc- is to ask
the speaker if lie is aware of any contradictions to his statement. Another effective
response is to repeat his statement while exaggerating with your voice the universal
quantifiers in order to demonstrate the absurdity or impossibility of the statement. Some
examples are:
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Response:
Speaker:"I never do anything right"
Can you think of a time when you did something right?"
Speaker:"Everybody's mean to me."
Other words which imply a lack of choice or indicate the speaker's lack of awareness of
his participation in and responsibility for his feelings and actions are: "must," "have to,"
"ought to," and their opposites, "shouldn't," "must not," etc. Examples of this Meta Model
violation are:
Speaker: "I must never say those things." Response: "What will happen if you do?"
"Shoulds" are often heard when one person is blaming another: "You should know better
than that!" This pattern is typical of someone operating out of the visual model, especially
under stress. In this way, a "visual" can verbally externalize his frustration or anger at a
person or situation and at the same time exclude himself from having any responsibility
for the situation.
L-fl modal operator of possibility is another indicationofA potentially counterproductive
limitation on a person's model
9.5
Of the world. When a person says "I can't," he is talking about something he perceives as
being outside his ability or sphere of influence. However, it is often simply the person's
perception which is limiting, not his ability or the environment or the situation. In the
illustration below, for example, the first boy's initial statement followed by his
catastrophic expectation is a demonstration of a limit on his model of the world that
prevents him from even attempting to get what he wants.