A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

with men. Though her fear was a major factor, she attributed much of the problem to a
series of "bad relationships." As she said, "If only those relationships had been different,
if only they had given me what I wanted and needed, then I probably would be a lot
happier now." Using the same process that she used to place herself into the characters
she read about, Sharon indicated by those words that she had effectively rernoued herself
from the external world during specific periods in her life.
In her model of the world, it was "relationships" which caused her problems. However,
this indicates a distortion of her perception of the situation. A relationship is a process
involving active participation.' By saying that "the relationships" hadn't given her what
she wanted, she was ignoring her own reponsibility and participation in the process of
relating. She had remnued herself from the role of participant and had become a helpless
observer. This distortion, built into her model of the world, effectively prevented her from
being able to change in ways which would make her more comfortable and happy. Not
until she could step back into the process of relating would she be able to make those
changes and regain a sense of control over her own life.
Fantasy is Distortion
The construction of our models of the world may be what James Coleman' is referring to
when he says that an individual builds a "frame of reference" or "a set of assumptions
concerning fact, possibility, and value." fle describes how this "inner cognitive map"
determines how a person will perceive reality and how he will behave. Of importance
here is what happens when a person's map or model has built-in errors. As he says, ". ..
faulty assumptions have important implications for adjustive behavior." A person who
follows this erroneous map ". . . may bristle at nonexistent bogeymen and be unaware of
real hazards. To the extent that his view is distorted, he will adjust to a world that does
not exist, and will inevitably make miscalculations that will lead to failure and self
devaluation." (p. 167)
Trust: Gaining Rapport
Who can deny that the important vector in any type of psychotherapeutic
relationship is the establishment of good rapport? (p. 19)
W. S. Korger and
W.U. Fezler: Hypnosis and Behauior Modification
13
Assumptions Are Generalizations
Some folks I know did an experiment with their bathroom door. Taking the doorknob
from a regular door, they mounted it on a nonlatching, one-way swinging door. To open
their bathroom door, all you had to do was push on it; it would swing closed
automatically. The trick was that they placed the "fake" doorknob on the same side of the
door as the hinges. The results of the experiment proved interesting.
Children, they said, generally had no problem discovering the "trick" and were able to
get into the bathroom. However, when adults tried the doorknob and found that the door
wouldn't open, they assumed that it was either stuck or locked. Their assumption, of
course, was based on generalizations from past experiences with locked and stuck
doors. 'this part of their models of the world did not allow for the exploration necessary
to discover the trick, and they consistently failed to gain entry without the "help" of their
hosts.