A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

such contain all the limitations inherent in any model. Use them when and where they
apply, and discard them whenever they don't fit.
attention from the representational system in which they make the most distinctions.
The other systems simply fail to provide information in ways that are as easily utilized
by them as the information which matches their preferred system.
There is another difficulty which arises when someone with the look-to-listen rule also
believes that if someone looks away while speaking, it means that he is lying.'° 3 In the
situation illustrated above, if the child is not operating out of the visual system, he may
find it difficult to talk while looking directly at the adult. Again, due to the visual
distraction, the child might have trouble "thinking" in his habitual system without
looking away." This could create dire consequences if the adult thinks the child is lying
because he keeps looking away.
In Chapter I a somewhat different eye-contact rule was discussed regarding social
constraints (see page 34). In that example, it was demonstrated how a lack of knowledge
or understanding of the social rule governing direct eye contact could lead to conflict
between individuals from different social backgrounds. It is important to recognize that
differences also exist between individuals in a homogeneous social group. This is
because people tend to orient themselves to aspects of experience that correlate to their
preferred representational systems. When you can identify these differences between
people, you can more easily "tune in to," "see clearly," and "connect" with other people's
models of the world. This is one of those "magical" qualities of very effective
communicators. By identifying and then using these differences, you will run less of a
risk of making the mistake of judging another's behavior solely by the stand ards of your
own model. You can more easily "bridge the gap" between yourself and your clients,
students, co-workers, and anyone else with whom it is important for you to
communicate.
62
Satir Categories
The following behavioral patterns come from an unusually gifted people helper,
Virginia Satin In her book, Peoplemak
63
ing, Satir identities four "postural stances" that people often take during the
communication process.' i In their exaggerated form, says Satir, ". . . so exaggerated that
nobody could miss it," (p. 63) these stances form the Satir Categories, so called after the
works of Bandler and Grinder. , ' These postures are associated with the communication
categories as follows.
Under stress, visual representers tend to take on the postural characteristics of Satir's
"blamer." That is, they take on an aggressive stance, pointing their fingers at the person
they are talking to and using expressions like: "You always do that. Why can't you do
anything right?" (A more complete presentation of word-patterns used by each of the
communication categories is given in the next chapter.)
People who are operating as "kinos" assume the "placeter" stance, especially under
stress. Satir pictures a person down on one knee, hands turned palms-up as if "begging for
forgiveness." Phrases associated with this posture are: "I feel so bad about making you
mad at me. I just can't do anything right. Please forgive me."