A Pragmatic Guide To Communication & Change.pdf - NLP Info Centre

In any close or intimate relationship, trust becomes a primary element. This section will
begin to explore the various ways this trust develops and the effects it has on the rapport
so essential to an effective relationship.
As previously mentioned, Jerome Frank noted that particular attributes of the therapist
himself are important ingredients of the therapeutic relationship. From questionnaires
filled out by their patients, Frank found these attributes to include the therapist's ability to
be a "... keenly interested. . . concerned listener.. .who speaks one's language [and] makes
sense.. .." (p. 185)'Che development of trust, then, may begin when a person gets the
sense that he is being understood, that he and the other person are "speaking the same
language." Think for a moment about the people in your life whom you consider to be
influential. This ability to influence you and others is based in large part on the trust given
them by those who believe they are "understanding." Of course, this is an
oversimplification. However, especially in the therapeutic setting, this trust is often a
necessary condition for a successful therapeutic relationship. Trust must also exist
between friends, or the relationship falters. A business deal cannot be consummated
unless there is a mutual trust based on the belief that each party is being uud,m'stood by
the other.
What is it about particularly influential individuals that
leads to this trust.' What observable behaviors do these wizards of communication exhibit
that we might identify and use ourselves in our own professional and personal
relationships? As these questions are answered, you will begin to discover some of the
practical strategies for creating positive change.
Being Understood
One of the most important ingredients in being influential is the ability to elicit the belief
that you understand. Understanding implies that you can "join" a person at his own model
of the world. This is important because people tend to operate as i f their model of the
world is the real world. Understanding is the crucial bridge between our model ofthe
world and theirs.
Logical Typing Errors
Gregory Bateson illustrates the distinction between "reality" and our models of reality
with a menu card analogy. ,, We tend to operate on the assumption that a "thing" and its
"name" are one and the same. Bateson calls this a "logical typing error." It is like walking
into a restaurant, says Bateson, and being handed a menu card. Since the menu merely
represents the food, we might consider it to be a map or model of reality. However, if we
treat
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Sharon loved to read novels. fly creatively employing the process of distortion, she could
transform words into full, rich experiences. She actually "lived" characters as she read
about them. She felt their joys and sorrows, labored in the muddy fields and had tea with
the Queen. As a youngster, Sharon had learned to read words and then to distort them into
images, feelings, sounds, tastes, and smells so vividly that they became "real" to her. She
could talk about different times and far-away places as if she had actually been there. And
she could equally well "project" herself into a history book or encyclopedia. This talent
played an important part in her choice of careers as a writer and lecturer.
Sharon also used the process of distortion as a means for explaining her "predicament"