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An Oral History of Game Show<br />
Dystopias<br />
by Alexei Kalinchuk<br />
A new competitive cooking show funded by the government and a<br />
plastic food container manufacturer started after the last crisis.<br />
This crisis, at least, didn’t involve mortgage-based debt instruments.<br />
Nonetheless this one also devastated the economy and the whole culture<br />
went into freefall thereafter. Not just consumer spending, but whole<br />
bodies of ethics and theology suspended operations. Certain taboos<br />
lifted as well.<br />
I’m getting sidetracked already.<br />
The game show. Right. Cannibalism-based cooking shows lacked<br />
glamour when they first started. I thought that was a mistake. If<br />
you’re going to do this kind of show at all, don’t be coy. Can’t play<br />
virgin while punching time clocks in a brothel. Be upfront, upfront<br />
but classy.<br />
When these shows started, they all had so much do-goodery it<br />
turned the stomach. All this talk of nutrition and technique-<br />
Coloradans’ firm flesh had a velvety flavor full of vitamins while<br />
Minnesotans had to be filleted just so-but all anyone thinks is: get to<br />
it. And the hosts! No makeup up on these women with plain hairstyles,<br />
unthreatening potbellied men.<br />
They all looked like public radio personalities.<br />
All this feel-good jabber, but no one was talking about the real<br />
problem: depopulation. We were running out of defensible and delicious<br />
humans to eat. Prisoners and the mentally ill didn’t top anyone’s list<br />
of edibles, meanwhile, state constitutional amendments against<br />
cannibalism were gathering momentum at the ballot box while pro bono
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