The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

the exact same reason they’re afraid of failure: it threatens
who they believe themselves to be.
You avoid writing that screenplay you’ve always dreamed
of because doing so would call into question your identity as
a practical insurance adjuster. You avoid talking to your
husband about being more adventurous in the bedroom
because that conversation would challenge your identity as
a good, moral woman. You avoid telling your friend that you
don’t want to see him anymore because ending the
friendship would conflict with your identity as a nice,
forgiving person.
These are good, important opportunities that we
consistently pass up because they threaten to change how
we view and feel about ourselves. They threaten the values
that we’ve chosen and have learned to live up to.
I had a friend who, for the longest time, talked about
putting his artwork online and trying to make a go of it as a
professional (or at least semiprofessional) artist. He talked
about it for years; he saved up money; he even built a few
different websites and uploaded his portfolio.
But he never launched. There was always some reason:
the resolution on his work wasn’t good enough, or he had
just painted something better, or he wasn’t in a position to
dedicate enough time to it yet.
Years passed and he never did give up his “real job.”
Why? Because despite dreaming about making a living
through his art, the real potential of becoming An Artist
Nobody Likes was far, far scarier than remaining An Artist
Nobody’s Heard Of. At least he was comfortable with and
used to being An Artist Nobody’s Heard Of.
I had another friend who was a party guy, always going
out drinking and chasing girls. After years of living the “high
life,” he found himself terribly lonely, depressed, and
unhealthy. He wanted to give up his party lifestyle. He spoke
with a fierce jealousy of those of us who were in
relationships and more “settled down” than he was. Yet he