The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTSThis book began as a big, messy thing and required morethan just my own hands to chisel something comprehensibleout of it.First and foremost, thank you to my brilliant and beautifulwife, Fernanda, who never hesitates to say no to me when Ineed to hear it most. Not only do you make me a betterperson, but your unconditional love and constant feedbackduring the writing process were indispensable.To my parents, for putting up with my shit all these yearsand continuing to love me anyway. In many ways, I don’tfeel as though I fully became an adult until I understoodmany of the concepts in this book. In that sense, it’s been ajoy to get to know you as an adult these past few years. Andto my brother as well: I never doubt the existence of mutuallove and respect between us, even if I sometimes get butthurtthat you don’t text me back.To Philip Kemper and Drew Birnie—two big brains thatconspire to make my brain appear much larger than itactually is. Your hard work and brilliance continue to floorme.To Michael Covell, for being my intellectual stress test,especially when it comes to understanding psychologicalresearch, and for always challenging me on myassumptions. To my editor, Luke Dempsey, for mercilesslytightening the screws on my writing, and for possibly havingan even fouler mouth than I do. To my agent, Mollie Glick,for helping me define the vision for the book and pushing itmuch farther into the world than I ever expected to see it
go. To Taylor Pearson, Dan Andrews, and Jodi Ettenburg, fortheir support during this process; you three kept me bothaccountable and sane, which are the only two things everywriter needs.And finally, to the millions of people who, for whateverreason, decided to read a potty-mouthed asshole fromBoston writing about life on his blog. The flood of emails I’vereceived from those of you willing to open up the mostintimate corners of your life to me, a complete stranger,both humbles me and inspires me. At this point in my life,I’ve spent thousands of hours reading and studying thesesubjects. But you all continue to be my true education.Thank you.
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CONTENTSCHAPTER 1: Don’t TryThe F
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CHAPTER 1Don’t TryCharles Bukowsk
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success. Even after his fame, he st
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You get anxious about confronting s
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magic fuck-giving fairy dust, you s
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Ever notice that sometimes when you
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Look, this is how it works. You’r
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not give a fuck about what ultimate
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anything more fuck-worthy to dedica
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I believe that today we’re facing
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CHAPTER 2Happiness Is a ProblemAbou
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sit under that tree and not get up
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change. We have evolved to always l
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little pink umbrella. “The soluti
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make them feel better in the short
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really mad; I couldn’t help it.
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managing of our struggles. Whether
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just didn’t “have it,” that I
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happened. None of these “ventures
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themselves. If a person like Jimmy
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then acts to improve upon them. But
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My sweat must be pumping at the spe
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get a haircut and threw out all of
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first time since I could remember,
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freedom we’re given to express ou
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tendency toward entitlement is appa
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All of this “every person can be
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However, thousands of Japanese sold
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In 1972, Suzuki needed another adve
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“How do I stop suffering?” but
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failed to achieve some goal? Why do
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“It bugs me that my brother doesn
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As he sat on the bus back to Los An
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Mustaine is wildly, unimaginably su
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he already had was more important:
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It’s far more helpful to assume t
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Defining Good and Bad ValuesGood va
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man, with an easy life and great fa
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CHAPTER 5You Are Always ChoosingIma
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psychiatric facility one day, James
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it’s still your responsibility to
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to date only women who like me for
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See, I couldn’t control her. No m
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We all love to take responsibility
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died. The responsibility for coping
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The next step is to encourage the k
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financially. They are not to blame
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from the inside out. And it’s eve
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But as we’ll see, this is a good
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When I was with my first girlfriend
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than to actually test those beliefs
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Generally, within ten to fifteen mi
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had sexually abused her as a child.
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explain our present-day anger towar
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For people who were dissatisfied wi
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very spiritual person. She became i
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rape and abuse women out of their c
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Before we can look at our values an
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never changed. For years he went on
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victim or dismal failure. Instead,
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Many people are able to ask themsel
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chosen for ourselves. The truth is,
Page 127 and 128: Failure itself is a relative concep
Page 129 and 130: from overbearing or critical parent
Page 131 and 132: coped with traumatic experiences in
Page 133 and 134: that I could program the VCR withou
Page 135 and 136: Many people, when they feel some fo
Page 137 and 138: perhaps the most important thing I
Page 139 and 140: yourself chasing false dreams, or i
Page 141 and 142: anxiety of my teenager years, and a
Page 143 and 144: coddled mind felt attacked on all s
Page 145 and 146: This is a cornerstone of many of th
Page 147 and 148: dies. The girl is so upset that she
Page 149 and 150: person in the relationship accepts
Page 151 and 152: This is self-defeating, of course.
Page 153 and 154: For savers, the hardest thing to do
Page 155 and 156: gets bruised sometimes, and I bitch
Page 157 and 158: all.” If cheaters can’t express
Page 159 and 160: When you’re pursuing a wide bread
Page 161 and 162: CHAPTER 9. . . And Then You DieSeek
Page 163 and 164: well as to the impact of the jump f
Page 165 and 166: permission to finally live. And per
Page 167 and 168: situations where things might be di
Page 169 and 170: implement, often through lethal for
Page 171 and 172: At three feet, your body goes into
Page 173 and 174: it stifles me, I empty my thoughts,
Page 175 and 176: of false superiority, fall into ina
Page 177: “Um. I saw you sitting on the edg
Page 182 and 183: CREDITSFront cover design: M-80 Des
Page 184: ABOUT THE PUBLISHERAustraliaHarperC
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