The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

person in the relationship accepts responsibility, and 2) the
willingness of each person to both reject and be rejected by
their partner.
Anywhere there is an unhealthy or toxic relationship,
there will be a poor and porous sense of responsibility on
both sides, and there will be an inability to give and/or
receive rejection. Wherever there is a healthy and loving
relationship, there will be clear boundaries between the two
people and their values, and there will be an open avenue of
giving and receiving rejection when necessary.
By “boundaries” I mean the delineation between two
people’s responsibilities for their own problems. People in a
healthy relationship with strong boundaries will take
responsibility for their own values and problems and not
take responsibility for their partner’s values and problems.
People in a toxic relationship with poor or no boundaries will
regularly avoid responsibility for their own problems and/or
take responsibility for their partner’s problems.
What do poor boundaries look like? Here are some
examples:
“You can’t go out with your friends without me. You know
how jealous I get. You have to stay home with me.”
“My coworkers are idiots; they always make me late to
meetings because I have to tell them how to do their
jobs.”
“I can’t believe you made me feel so stupid in front of my
own sister. Never disagree with me in front of her
again!”
“I’d love to take that job in Milwaukee, but my mother
would never forgive me for moving so far away.”
“I can date you, but can you not tell my friend Cindy?
She gets really insecure when I have a boyfriend and
she doesn’t.”