The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

the better. Whether it’s Ben Affleck working to destroy an
asteroid to save the earth for the girl he loves, or Mel
Gibson murdering hundreds of Englishmen and fantasizing
about his raped and murdered wife while being tortured to
death, or that Elven chick giving up her immortality to be
with Aragorn in Lord of the Rings, or stupid romantic
comedies where Jimmy Fallon forgoes his Red Sox playoff
tickets because Drew Barrymore has, like, needs or
something.
If this sort of romantic love were cocaine, then as a
culture we’d all be like Tony Montana in Scarface: burying
our faces in a fucking mountain of it, screaming, “Say hello
to my lee-tle friend!”
The problem is that we’re finding out that romantic love
is kind of like cocaine. Like, frighteningly similar to cocaine.
Like, stimulates the exact same parts of your brain as
cocaine. Like, gets you high and makes you feel good for a
while but also creates as many problems as it solves, as
does cocaine.
Most elements of romantic love that we pursue—the
dramatic and dizzyingly emotional displays of affection, the
topsy-turvy ups and downs—aren’t healthy, genuine
displays of love. In fact, they’re often just another form of
entitlement playing out through people’s relationships.
I know: that makes me sound like such a downer.
Seriously, what kind of guy shits on romantic love? But hear
me out.
The truth is, there are healthy forms of love and
unhealthy forms of love. Unhealthy love is based on two
people trying to escape their problems through their
emotions for each other—in other words, they’re using each
other as an escape. Healthy love is based on two people
acknowledging and addressing their own problems with
each other’s support.
The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy
relationship comes down to two things: 1) how well each