The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

Many people are able to ask themselves if they’re wrong,
but few are able to go the extra step and admit what it
would mean if they were wrong. That’s because the
potential meaning behind our wrongness is often painful.
Not only does it call into question our values, but it forces us
to consider what a different, contradictory value could
potentially look and feel like.
Aristotle wrote, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be
able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Being able
to look at and evaluate different values without necessarily
adopting them is perhaps the central skill required in
changing one’s own life in a meaningful way.
As for my friend’s brother, his question to himself should
be, “What would it mean if I were wrong about my sister’s
wedding?” Often the answer to such a question is pretty
straightforward (and some form of “I’m being a
selfish/insecure/narcissistic asshole”). If he is wrong, and his
sister’s engagement is fine and healthy and happy, there’s
really no way to explain his own behavior other than
through his own insecurities and fucked-up values. He
assumes that he knows what’s best for his sister and that
she can’t make major life decisions for herself; he assumes
that he has the right and responsibility to make decisions for
her; he is certain that he’s right and everyone else must be
wrong.
Even once uncovered, whether in my friend’s brother or
in ourselves, that sort of entitlement is hard to admit. It
hurts. That’s why few people ask the difficult questions. But
probing questions are necessary in order to get at the core
problems that are motivating his, and our, dickish behavior.
Question #3: Would being wrong create a better or
a worse problem than my current problem, for
both myself and others?
This is the litmus test for determining whether we’ve got
some pretty solid values going on, or we’re totally neurotic