The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F_ck

gets bruised sometimes, and I bitch and complain and try to
argue, but a few hours later I come sulking back and admit
that she was right. And holy crap she makes me a better
person, even though I hate hearing it at the time.
When our highest priority is to always make ourselves
feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then
nobody ends up feeling good. And our relationship falls
apart without our even knowing it.
Without conflict, there can be no trust. Conflict exists to
show us who is there for us unconditionally and who is just
there for the benefits. No one trusts a yes-man. If
Disappointment Panda were here, he’d tell you that the pain
in our relationship is necessary to cement our trust in each
other and produce greater intimacy.
For a relationship to be healthy, both people must be
willing and able to both say no and hear no. Without that
negation, without that occasional rejection, boundaries
break down and one person’s problems and values come to
dominate the other’s. Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s
absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy
relationship. If two people who are close are not able to
hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the
relationship is based on manipulation and
misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic.
Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship,
for the simple reason that without trust, the relationship
doesn’t actually mean anything. A person could tell you that
she loves you, wants to be with you, would give up
everything for you, but if you don’t trust her, you get no
benefit from those statements. You don’t feel loved until you
trust that the love being expressed toward you comes
without any special conditions or baggage attached to it.
This is what’s so destructive about cheating. It’s not
about the sex. It’s about the trust that has been destroyed
as a result of the sex. Without trust, the relationship can no